regarding some deleted poem...	6-Oct-05/4:40 PM
The title doesn't seem right, otherwise good.
Re: 10/8 by cronus	8-Oct-05/12:54 PM
Another God-hating poem written by a sadsack who thinks God has dun him in. Not that different from some of David's poems.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-05/6:20 PM
Fresh cut what? From the title, I'd assume dog shit. Expecting that, the ending seems bland - just a weed.
Re: Keep on Going by april fool	9-Oct-05/6:38 PM
The conclusion does not follow from the premise.
Re: The Enigmatic Pentagram by ObsequiousGem	9-Oct-05/6:42 PM
New age thought or wicca, symbolized by a pentagram, always leaves me wondering if I'm on the same planet.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Oct-05/5:11 AM
Nicely flowing love poem. Verse 3 is puzzling and seems out of place.
Re: Just Before My Shift Ends at The Uptowner by jessicazee	10-Oct-05/5:14 AM
I laughed and and sympathized. Bar talk is almost spiritual at times, almost like church.
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	10-Oct-05/6:41 PM
Nice, but do you really hear a cat's purr from under the hood?
Re: The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>	10-Oct-05/6:43 PM
Verse 2 is especially nice.
Re: Adelaide by wilco	12-Oct-05/5:30 PM
Lyrics are so hard to understand without the music. I'd say lose the "up" in line 5, but maybe some twang of string requires it. And Adelaide is such an old-time name that I'd expect a song about her to follow the old-time patterns. Oh well, maybe I just don't get it.
Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly	12-Oct-05/5:34 PM
Travel agencies don't dictate; they sell. Doesn't matter, I don't see what you're talking about anyway.
Re: Hell is spring by INTRANSIT	12-Oct-05/5:41 PM
I like the kinky comparisons: kawasaki green > buds, vile snapdragons, flowers of construction barrel orange. But why would you vow to be knocked cold by her? Maybe you're too into the mechanized unreality of spring.
Re: Sleep by ALChemy	12-Oct-05/5:45 PM
I think you'd do better without the Jesus references - messiah and Nazareth. A naritave on sleep is ok in itself. The comparison to soul sleep is good.
Re: I Can't Believe He Killed Her by jessicazee	14-Oct-05/10:59 AM
And maybe he didn't. The sister coming along late in the poem - ok, but confusing. Comma after "I think." Good overall.
Re: Midnight Questions by TLRufener	14-Oct-05/11:11 AM
I answered in the negative or with unconcern to most of your questions, but "How many people would mourn you and cry?" is worthy of thought.
Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson	14-Oct-05/11:15 AM
A dream of redundant fears. Could be a lot shorter, but maybe you wanted to stress the recurrance.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-05/11:17 AM
Please, as a courtesy to the the new poems being posted, do not recycle all your stuff on the same day. Thank you.
Re: Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry	15-Oct-05/12:37 PM
Line 4 seems there only for the rhyme. Just wrap YOUR arms all around me. But I like the sentiment and the subtle implications. With thr right tune, it'd make a good song.
Re: never visit a diner twice by Bill Z Bub	15-Oct-05/12:42 PM
No comma after diner. I think that "left in the gutter" makes the idea inconsistant. I'd leave out "left." Otherwise very concise and good.
Re: Waking at night by Niphredil	15-Oct-05/12:47 PM
The word "dull" seems too bland. Otherwise I like it a lot.