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never visit a diner twice (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
The fries were dark and greasy, the tea- cloying and fruity. I left it all in the diner, and stepped out to the rain. White lines shone in slick nasty grins, and thoughts of you were left in the gutter.

Up the ladder: carnivalesque
Down the ladder: In my train-IN

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5710
Posted: October 14, 2005 4:41 PM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2005 4:41 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 209.247.222.89 | 15-Oct-05/12:42 PM | Reply
No comma after diner. I think that "left in the gutter" makes the idea inconsistant. I'd leave out "left." Otherwise very concise and good.
[7] Tintagiles @ 198.164.201.17 > Dovina | 16-Oct-05/10:37 PM | Reply
Agreed.
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