poemranker ::never visit a diner twice by Bill Z Bub

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Free verse № 132136

never visit a diner twice

by Bill Z Bub

Member since 2002 · Posted 14 Oct 2005 · 2 comments

The fries were dark and greasy, the tea- cloying and fruity. I left it all in the diner, and stepped out to the rain. White lines shone in slick nasty grins, and thoughts of you were left in the gutter.

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2 comments

[9] Dovina 15-Oct-05/12:42 PM Reply
No comma after diner. I think that "left in the gutter" makes the idea inconsistant. I'd leave out "left." Otherwise very concise and good.
[7] Tintagiles › Dovina 16-Oct-05/10:37 PM Reply
Agreed.