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never visit a diner twice (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub The fries were dark and greasy,
the tea- cloying and fruity.
I left it all in the diner,
and stepped out to the rain.
White lines shone in slick nasty grins,
and thoughts of you were left in the gutter.
Up the ladder:
The Hundredth End
Down the ladder:
Addendum to the Heartbreak
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: October 14, 2005 4:41 PM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2005 4:41 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5846 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 209.247.222.89
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15-Oct-05/12:42 PM
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Reply
No comma after diner. I think that "left in the gutter" makes the idea inconsistant. I'd leave out "left." Otherwise very concise and good.
[7]
Tintagiles @ 198.164.201.17
> Dovina
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16-Oct-05/10:37 PM
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Reply
Agreed.
294 view(s)
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