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Electric Light (Free verse) by cyan9
Beyond the rusted gate that whispers of me to enter, Round the turning stairs that lead to the cloisters, Through the turret archway where the spiraling steps lead to a chamber, Ripping open the bolted door and staring at the dying embers of a fire. I scanned the charred room that had once been ablaze, I caught a glance of cloth and chorde I kicked aside the ashes that obscured I chanced upon a sack and let its content spill forth. Little wheels made from tempered steel, Brandishing teeth and knashing each against each. Little wheels that spun and gleamed and danced their way inside me; I was soon to be opened to this mechanical technology. Tottering with grinding hip and clockwork limb Tottering like a toy that was wound up within Tottering back and forth across scaffolds Tottering down step and stair to an old abandoned chapel Within the austere walls another sack made its way to me I opened the chorde and was showered by the sparks, out they poured, From within the burning haze they danced their way into my brain. I was soon to be opened to this electrical technology. Staggering with trembling lip and jolting limb, Staggering like a clockwork toy that couldn't stop shaking, Staggering as my mind ran ablaze with the ideas within.

Up the ladder: The Snow Queen
Down the ladder: To Talitha

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.190725
Overall Rank: 4675
Posted: September 26, 2005 9:44 AM PDT; Last modified: September 26, 2005 9:44 AM PDT
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cyan9

Comments:
[9] Verse2Verse @ 69.207.123.92 | 26-Sep-05/11:58 AM | Reply
Nice write, intricate.
[7] Tintagiles @ 142.166.234.75 | 26-Sep-05/7:14 PM | Reply
I'm presuming 'chorde' is 'cord'? And 'that whispers of me to enter' -- should that me 'whispers to me' or was the gate whispering about it, in which case 'to enter' makes no sense.

Very well written, though.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 62.253.128.14 > Tintagiles | 27-Sep-05/12:20 AM | Reply
chorde is cord and there is another spelling mistake in here somewhere, but i dont wont to lose the commentry by changing it. If whispers of me to enter makes no sense to you, then perhaps a browse through some slightly less modern work may assist, in any case the gate is tempting me through in this instance.
[7] Tintagiles @ 142.166.254.117 > cyan9 | 27-Sep-05/1:07 AM | Reply
You wouldn't lose the commentary, only the votes. The other misspelling is 'knash' for 'gnash'.
[7] Dovina @ 216.153.142.11 | 28-Sep-05/5:41 AM | Reply
Too many words. "charred room that had once been ablaze" for example, could be just "charred room."
[10] zodiac @ 194.165.132.226 | 29-Sep-05/6:14 AM | Reply
Most of this poem reminds me of a time I went to a DDR Nostalgia rave in Stuttgart while buzzed blind on gluwein. Ace.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 > zodiac | 29-Sep-05/7:37 AM | Reply
That must have been quite some rave, and if its like that, where can I get hold of this gluwein?
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