| Re: Mourning Glory by William Delacroix |
21-May-04/12:24 AM |
Beautiful title. I like the intrigue of the piece, although i dont like the usage of the 3rd stanza in union with the Glosa theme. But the overall structure and concept works pretty nicely, given the difficulty. Also it seemed to putter out due 2 maybe trying 2 hard towards the end, its too predictable. I think it needs a surprising climax, given that the reader( if they know the style ) knows what line will conclude. You did a great job of elaborating the founding peice and throwing a creepy twist in while you were at it. Kudos
_Da1
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| Re: Blackened Cauldron by Ellie95 |
21-May-04/12:28 AM |
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| Re: How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8 |
21-May-04/12:48 AM |
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| Re: Something's gone wrong by zodiac |
21-May-04/12:57 AM |
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Captivating and satisfying. You get a gold star for today.
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| Re: Bon Voyage by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
21-May-04/1:01 AM |
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| Re: Just A Thought by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
21-May-04/1:09 AM |
Very representative. I can relate and am entranced with the approach of this peice. Nicely done, although the repetition may be a bit much. Any how it suffices.
_Da1
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| Re: To be titled by Horus8(Craft's Service) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
21-May-04/2:36 AM |
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| Re: Let Me Swing by caitydee |
21-May-04/2:42 AM |
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Are you still together? Or is that an appropriate question? I would cahnge "Our bodies fit that day--We fit", maybe, " Our bodies, we fit on that day. Other than that its cool.
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| Re: Re-drafting by Nicholas Jones |
21-May-04/2:54 AM |
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| Re: Oomphless by shwenatjadeflower |
21-May-04/3:21 AM |
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I would add a,'still' after "is" in the 2nd to last line and then make it the last line. But well done
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| Re: Opera by ~incarnate~ |
21-May-04/12:16 PM |
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Yes, between sexy and simple there lies a fine line. Yet this peice may not cut the mustard. C for effort.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-May-04/12:20 PM |
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A man after my own heart. Keep it grity.
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