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Oomphless (Free verse) by shwenatjadeflower The Passion drifts away
I become meaningless
I was naive
But I beleived my own lies.
I know better now,
but the passion is gone.
No more oomph.
Up the ladder:
The Moment of Over
Down the ladder:
As I wait to shoot a mallard, I consider life
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.6666665
Posted: May 16, 2004 6:08 PM PDT; Last modified: May 16, 2004 6:08 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.717177 Overall Rank: 1911 Comments:
[10]
INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.165
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16-May-04/6:31 PM
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Reply
Drop the last line.
Nono
Drop all of the last line except the first and last word. Then capitalize the last word
WHAT!!! No more oomph. I pity you, have a 10 as consolation.
I would add a,'still' after "is" in the 2nd to last line and then make it the last line. But well done
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