| Re: a comment on Let Me Swing by caitydee |
22-May-04/2:41 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Balance by Signature |
22-May-04/2:30 PM |
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| Re: Opera by ~incarnate~ |
21-May-04/12:16 PM |
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Yes, between sexy and simple there lies a fine line. Yet this peice may not cut the mustard. C for effort.
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| Re: Oomphless by shwenatjadeflower |
21-May-04/3:21 AM |
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I would add a,'still' after "is" in the 2nd to last line and then make it the last line. But well done
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| Re: Re-drafting by Nicholas Jones |
21-May-04/2:54 AM |
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| Re: Let Me Swing by caitydee |
21-May-04/2:42 AM |
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Are you still together? Or is that an appropriate question? I would cahnge "Our bodies fit that day--We fit", maybe, " Our bodies, we fit on that day. Other than that its cool.
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| Re: To be titled by Horus8(Craft's Service) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
21-May-04/2:36 AM |
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| Re: Just A Thought by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
21-May-04/1:09 AM |
Very representative. I can relate and am entranced with the approach of this peice. Nicely done, although the repetition may be a bit much. Any how it suffices.
_Da1
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| Re: Bon Voyage by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
21-May-04/1:01 AM |
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| Re: Something's gone wrong by zodiac |
21-May-04/12:57 AM |
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Captivating and satisfying. You get a gold star for today.
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| Re: How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8 |
21-May-04/12:48 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Blackened Cauldron by Ellie95 |
21-May-04/12:35 AM |
CLOWNIN'
Sprucing up other peoples poems I read. Well you definitely did it justice. You and Ellie should collaborate sometime... On second thought, we should coincide on a artistic production. Oh yeah tis me "Sigh'ense...", but dont tell anybody. hit me back and let me know whats the verdiction. Welcome back.
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| Re: Blackened Cauldron by Ellie95 |
21-May-04/12:28 AM |
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| Re: Mourning Glory by William Delacroix |
21-May-04/12:24 AM |
Beautiful title. I like the intrigue of the piece, although i dont like the usage of the 3rd stanza in union with the Glosa theme. But the overall structure and concept works pretty nicely, given the difficulty. Also it seemed to putter out due 2 maybe trying 2 hard towards the end, its too predictable. I think it needs a surprising climax, given that the reader( if they know the style ) knows what line will conclude. You did a great job of elaborating the founding peice and throwing a creepy twist in while you were at it. Kudos
_Da1
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