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Mourning Glory (Other) by William Delacroix
A weather change. Shadows fall. New scent upon the wind--decay. Cocaine, Uzis, drive-by shootings. Death is a banker. Everyone pays. Dean Koontz, The Book of Counted Sorrows The scent of blood and sex upon his hands, His head pounds as he inhales her slipstream; He wants to know her but he cannot, Will not refuse to resist the urge To let his imagination manifest, must protest, Although he's dying to explore the flesh, He lets his words undo the rest, His travesties unwitnessed, In the mourning light when the pain is best. A weather change. Shadows fall. No one suspects that it is he Who paints these nightmares in black and red, And creates worlds where he chooses who lives, His hands free to caress their flesh, To do as he pleases and discard what's left; Trapped inside his child's shell, Armed with deception: his most powerful weapon, He wields a doll of black and white pixels, And adds all their corpses to his wretched collection. New scent upon the wind--decay. With no one to listen he turns to the page, The ear that's always open, And finds a secret place inside himself, Where he may perform forbidden acts, His darkest fantasies unbidden; The bitter pill grins at him: Take me, or two, or twenty, Wash me down with poison water That leaves you hollow, empty. Cocaine, Uzis, drive-by shootings. He chooses not these thoughts, Bleeding palms intertwining: Sadism and eroticism, Wed in unholy matrimony, Yet there must always be a schism; Death will claim him in the end, Death all strings will sever, Death's tongue will ache, his breath will bate, But death can wait forever. Death is a banker. Everyone pays.

Up the ladder: The last journey
Down the ladder: time's concubine

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Weighted score: 5.0238404
Overall Rank: 7398
Posted: September 10, 2003 6:34 AM PDT; Last modified: September 10, 2003 6:34 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 | 10-Sep-03/12:55 PM | Reply
It's pretty good. It's not one of your best, but it's good. Um, I don't think you can use that last line though. I think even using a single line that someone else wrote is still Plagiarism, isn't it?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 194.222.223.239 | 10-Sep-03/3:22 PM | Reply
This poeme is plagiarised.

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=1283
[n/a] William Delacroix @ 206.116.186.109 | 12-Sep-03/6:34 AM | Reply
Geez, you guys are supposed to be aspiring poets here. Has nobody heard of a glosa before? It starts with a quatrain, right, from another author. Of course you credit the person who wrote it. Then there are four ten-line stanzas, the last line of each referring back to the lines of the original quatrain in the order they appear. And there is no silent e at the end of poem.
[7] Signature @ 4.46.141.40 | 21-May-04/12:24 AM | Reply
Beautiful title. I like the intrigue of the piece, although i dont like the usage of the 3rd stanza in union with the Glosa theme. But the overall structure and concept works pretty nicely, given the difficulty. Also it seemed to putter out due 2 maybe trying 2 hard towards the end, its too predictable. I think it needs a surprising climax, given that the reader( if they know the style ) knows what line will conclude. You did a great job of elaborating the founding peice and throwing a creepy twist in while you were at it. Kudos

_Da1
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