Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	1-Aug-03/2:22 AM
Holy monkey pants. Did you know Anne Boleyn had six fingers on her left hand? I think that's worse than hairy legs. I love the decline into reality at the end of this poem. The calluses of stanza 1 are explained very nicely.
Re: Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit	1-Aug-03/2:35 AM
Everyone else has taken issue with this poem, but actually, I think it's the best thing you've written. I didn't read it as a domestic duty thing at all - I quite took it quite literally as your woman witnessing a murder and the shock of it waking you not to the reality of the murder but your own gross iniquity (what have you been up to) - a kind of community of fear and self-loathing. And it's the kind of sudden twist that I, sad sensation freak that I am, really love. Am I absolutely bleeding miles wide of the mark? Am I revealing my own vile and dripping rottenness? Yipe. I am banjaxed by doubt. I may never recover.
Re: Moon In My Blood by AtalantaPendragonne	19-Aug-03/5:28 AM
Possibly it's my unChristianity holding me back, but I really have no idea what this is all about. 'Inconvenient' is misspelt. The ome of this is very well controlled, though it leaves me cold.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Aug-03/5:32 AM
I have no idea about lukewarm cucumbers. Frankly, I don't want to know. But isn't this a rejected Linkin Park lyric? And what kind of accent can rhyme 'killed' with 'field'? if you are gong to pedantically rhyme all the lines in a stanza, at least get it right. 'Faced a thousand foes'? Who are you, Alexander the Great?
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Aug-03/5:37 AM
Yes is beautifully regret-strewn and rueful, but somethings don't quite sit right, especially in stanza 1. Who are you addressing? Obviously a person wh is neither narrator nor subject, but then what's the reference to 'your nose'? And why is it the wrong question to want to 'know her face' - you then go on to describe it, so why give the answer to the 'wrong question'? Is it the inference that it would be more correct to want to know about her singing? The rest is much better, much more lucidly thought out.
Re: NIGHTMILK SUNBLOOD by horus8	9-Oct-03/9:49 AM
Yep, this comes through loud and clear and passionate. Woof!
Re: Reptilian by Christof	10-Oct-03/2:38 AM
All I can say chaps is thanks so much. I haven't written anything for months so putting this up was a eral test of nerve for me, I'm really glad to have got a positive response. And Bachus, you may have something with that 'and'...
Re: the way things are goin' by irishfolksuicide	10-Oct-03/2:43 AM
I like the last line a lot, but 'bull-mo- just sounds wrong - I think you want something a little more guttural, less weak.
Re: personality by irishfolksuicide	10-Oct-03/2:45 AM
Yep, a good pay off in that last stanza - you brought it round well, because the preceding few lines sound a bit gauche and awkward, but in the event that was just the tone you wanted so you could undercut it with your final sentence. Cuning.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Nov-03/9:05 AM
I think this would be even better if you lost the last two stanzas - they sound prosaic and tie down the poem when it could really fly with the suggestive itch at the end. I like the rhyme of 'audacity' and 'capacity', I'd like to see more of that and less spelling of things out. I wonder if you lack confidence in your ability to make your meaning plain?
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Nov-03/9:08 AM
OK this is much better, witty, tender and evocative. Yip, I like this, top stuff.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Dec-03/8:22 AM
This seems both clever and banal at the same time. I'm afraid this kind of thing does nothing for me, there's not enough emotional weight to make it seem anything other than flippant. Maybe that's your point. Sorry!
Re: Until I see you again by singinkygal	29-Dec-03/8:24 AM
Is this a pop song? It's got a nice rhythm, but it doesn't say anything new, or in a new way.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Dec-03/8:32 AM
You have a hell of a visual imagination and a real ear for language as well. So on a sensual level I find this really works. But it doesn't really hang together thematically for me - do you really believe stanza 3? Have you seen Turner, or Titian, and aren't their sunsets specifically strange and wonderful in a way that real sunsets never are? That couplet is a line put in for rhetoric's sake, because it sounds like a good definitive statement, but it hink it is empty. Similarly, I think the first two lines are platitudinous. But there's some really beautiful stuff in the final 8 lines, the identification of boat and artist's canvas really conjures up the journey of self-imagining in a properly surrealist way (you just don't have to spell out the 'surreal' in line 2)
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	29-Dec-03/8:36 AM
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Dec-03/8:42 AM
This does sound honest. It's a bit inelegant - 'My need to aggress etc' is a bit Oprah. And don't tell us about the stellar school grades and then talk about your aching heart - that's all a rather 'poor me' style of special pleading. If you'ev got a mess inside your head, let your poetry show us why, don't just tell us about it, or how can we know we can believe you?
Re: Add More Oil by heartlessempath	29-Dec-03/8:50 AM
This is dripping with sarcasm and loathing. I love it.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jan-04/5:06 AM
See William Blake.
Re: Keep it... or let it go by imperfect_creation	16-Jan-04/5:11 AM
'are gone with the people them for'? Do you mean 'they're'? One thought doesn't lead to another in this poem. How do you 'have' another person's dreams? Unless you're spookily in their head at the same time as them. Yipe. Gosh I'm grumpy today.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jan-04/5:15 AM
I must be grumpy today, because although I can see the humour in 'Emotion-/Phenomenal at 5', it seems like a special pleading defence for whacking another kid. 5 year-olds know it's wrong and emotion just ain't an excuse. It's much more accurate to say that 5 year-olds bean each other because they enjoy it.