some deleted user
on Izzy's Last Night by jessicazee
27 May 2005, 6:28 AM
Too much proze for my taste.
'is already wrote'??
Just one remark: 'closed'. A cycle cannot be closed or opened. Unless you mean that breaking out of her cycle causes the hurt. But I don't think so.
Moving and interesting. Could do with more clues to the relationship, history between these two. First two lines a little slow for the pace of the rest of the poem.
This is my favorite comment on poemranker lately.
"exes".
There is no reason to believe some art from our time won't make it past the next epic disaster. Um, proto-human art DID survive the last ice age. Of course, most of that was just interestingly shaped rocks.
I thought "stray nuclear warhead" was funny, though. Like it was just looking for the loo and got lost.
Sure. Just center it and it looks like an inscription on a memorial. It's postcard poetry. The voice needs a little reverberation here. The words don't do the job.
Christ, I'm glad that's resolved.
Is the following true?
1) -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. believes there are a finite number of correct interpretations for a poem, i.e., the interpreter has gotten at an idea or meaning the author deliberately included. He probably thinks this because he's British.
2) Dovina believes there are a nearly infinite number of correct interpretations for a poem, as the author can have unwittingly (and/or through a practiced use of ambiguity) included a bunch of ideas which he or she wasn't aware of while writing. She probably thinks that because she lives in California.
Not that any of this matters anyway, but it seems the conversation's stuck in that bog for at least one of you.
Thanks for that. Believe me I know this one is pretty rough, technically! I just wrote it in one hit and afterwards it seemed too long to be bothered to to edit n tweak! I know ...I'm lazy ...it's that whole balancing the fun with the work thing :) Care for the job? I'll paypal you 50p (that's about $135 i think) to do the editing for me? ha ha.
really? Spelling? Oh, woops! Come on! Give me some credit I checked Swartzeneger and just assumed I got the others right! ha ha. I'll check them just for you.
Firebirds and cold leather souls are enough to win me over. 9.3.
I'm refraining from reading other comments and offer a 9.1. Good for me, if only right now.
Are you by chance referring to Horatio Hornblower?
I really liked this, mostly because it sounds like something I would have written.I especially like the part about forgetting your song. superb..
I would say 'that heaven let me in' in the first stanza. See how it flows better that way? A few other spots that seem to bog down a bit. A positive message, but I think you need repentance, also, for that forgiveness.
I think perhaps the coroner would be better suited to clean up this mess.
Just one more pipe and I'll get out of the zero drop zone. I'll rate this one some time hobbing on the Eyeball Massacre Train. Axial, that is.
No I prefer the big rubber Dinosaurs with the squeeker located smack where the ... OH MY GAWD! I'M OUTTA CONTROL! Uno mas? Por favor?