| Re: The Least of These by Dovina |
Caducus 80.229.129.138 |
21-Dec-07/3:23 AM |
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5th Stanza will court controversy and as its an opinion of the writers you may be asked by some to elaborate on it. Like baby in the hay but dont like sickly kids in....
Line 2 needs to end with - is, or a link to next line.
I think you can say this shorter with more impact and leave out your thoughts and write from a neutral ground.
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| Re: The Least of These by Dovina |
jessicazee 24.160.246.91 |
20-Dec-07/11:29 PM |
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I repeated "a stranger warmly fed" a few times out loud. Good feelings.
Didn't love "as sickly kids in Pakistan" (to clarify, I LOVE those kids), but not sure your specificity there works.
Last stanza's first two lines are as striking and good-ending-y as it comes, but the last line seems out-of-place? Really liked this, thanks for making me think, inspirational. 9
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| Re: a comment on Suicide Note(I Blame You) by alvinb |
x0lovelylarnx0 24.125.75.158 |
20-Dec-07/2:17 PM |
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For one thing i'm not a man! And I wasn't getting biblical. It's common sense that people who commit suicide don't go to heaven, and i didn't mention the bible! But i'm glad you agree that people who commit suicide don't go to heaven!
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| Re: Shiver by Skamper |
Dovina 75.82.99.11 |
19-Dec-07/11:53 AM |
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Very spare. Too spare I think. First verse is good. "creating moments" is overused, especially standing alone. "issues slick"?
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| Re: a comment on disregard by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.44.223 |
18-Dec-07/10:43 PM |
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hmmm....I wonder about this one myself! It's an old one that i went back to, should have left it alone...
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| Re: Broken by makelovenotwar |
LynnJR 68.15.29.164 |
18-Dec-07/11:47 AM |
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very deep and emotional poem, I liked a lot, can relate to the feelings expressed. I didn't like the format of how it is laid out, i dont think the lines should run out so far, the only other critique is the line that ends in yay! don't like yay! any way I enjoyed the read.
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| Re: I think of you by nicole081083 |
LynnJR 68.15.29.164 |
18-Dec-07/11:43 AM |
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very lovely poem, the feelings were expressed adequately, nice flow and rhyme.
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| Re: The bakers wife by Caducus |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
18-Dec-07/5:43 AM |
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I have always been impressed by your metaphors and there are some good ones in this piece.
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| Re: Return from Dubious Mission by Dovina |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
18-Dec-07/5:37 AM |
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I like what you've done here Dovina. The only thing that seems off is the word "gobs." Everything else works fine.
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| Re: wolf rose PART 2 by titan69 |
Garrett S Sexton 81.158.77.170 |
16-Dec-07/11:13 AM |
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| Re: Return from Dubious Mission by Dovina |
Garrett S Sexton 81.158.77.170 |
16-Dec-07/11:12 AM |
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| Re: wolf rose by titan69 |
Garrett S Sexton 81.158.77.170 |
16-Dec-07/11:11 AM |
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| Re: Blobby blob code ** by MR Blobby |
Garrett S Sexton 81.158.77.170 |
16-Dec-07/11:09 AM |
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CODE? Yes, yes it is so clear now.
Watch Deal or no Deal!
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| Re: blobby blob by MR Blobby |
Garrett S Sexton 81.158.77.170 |
16-Dec-07/11:04 AM |
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bbbbblllllllliiiiiiibbbbbb
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| Re: a comment on Suicide Note(I Blame You) by alvinb |
alvinb 121.54.96.18 |
16-Dec-07/2:39 AM |
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Don't talk biblical man... but ya... people who commit suicide don't go to heaven...
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| Re: a comment on Suicide Note(I Blame You) by alvinb |
alvinb 121.54.96.18 |
16-Dec-07/2:34 AM |
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thanks man... I'm waiting for a man like you...
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| Re: I'm in love by nicole081083 |
LynnJR 70.166.7.178 |
15-Dec-07/11:40 AM |
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lovely, heart felt and sentimental poem. nice rhyme scheme.
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| Re: Children of adults by Caducus |
LynnJR 70.166.7.178 |
15-Dec-07/11:39 AM |
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Love this poem, it is so full of rich lines, and depth, I an pull out so much feeling and depth, a paradoxil tone to it, it is intriguing, and forms so many pictures and scenes for me - Great Job!
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| Re: I want my money back by Halfspeak |
LynnJR 70.166.7.178 |
15-Dec-07/11:36 AM |
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alot of feeling and emotion is expressed, quite a bit of detail in the lines, but I can't determine a particular format, seems to tell story-ish, than poetic, I think the lines and metre need to be tighter so some words or lines may need to go, its interesting, but reads to me like a poem thats in need of structure or a summary of a story incomplete.
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| Re: Milk and gas by Caducus |
Caducus 88.108.46.24 |
15-Dec-07/2:29 AM |
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As many will guess, this is my take on the demise of Sylvia Plath
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