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I want my money back (Free verse) by Halfspeak
You told me I should think about leaving. Every time you checked your watch the light reflected in my eyes. Such a subtle hint you must have thought. Conversation struck up and abruptly crashed into a dead end. Like my car you wrecked and then apologized about for a week. You must have thought I'd lord it over you, because the next week you said you needed space. I said join NASA. You didnt laugh. Now I'm not sure what I'm begging for. You sigh and roll your eyes becuase you know I hate it. Your wrong about most things, but I say your right so you wont be embarrassed. You direct me to the door with such familiarity. I remeber how good you were with directions. Funny that you always made me read the map. The side panel of my car is a different color. An embarrassing reminder of you. Somehow I still think of turning around. But I wont, I'll just go back to my apartment that you hated. I'll go back to bare walls and lamps without shades. I'll go back to shadows.

Up the ladder: Rara Avis
Down the ladder: The Sidelines

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.094852
Overall Rank: 6166
Posted: December 5, 2007 8:53 AM PST; Last modified: December 5, 2007 8:53 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] LynnJR @ 70.166.7.178 | 15-Dec-07/11:36 AM | Reply
alot of feeling and emotion is expressed, quite a bit of detail in the lines, but I can't determine a particular format, seems to tell story-ish, than poetic, I think the lines and metre need to be tighter so some words or lines may need to go, its interesting, but reads to me like a poem thats in need of structure or a summary of a story incomplete.
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