Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	21-Jun-05/2:35 PM
I don't think this is a poem. It's more like a sermon. A poem has at least two faces. A sermon only one.
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	21-Jun-05/2:27 PM
Nice. I should skip the amazement: if it's there, the poem should prove it. Not your telling me.
Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	Prince of Void 81.12.62.65	21-Jun-05/2:10 PM
Dazzling like a gothic star *********
Re: Arson by Roisin	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.19.115	21-Jun-05/2:09 PM
I liked the first two lines of the 1st and 2nd stanza, and the first line in the 3rd stanza. "Bridge soaked in alcohol I lit the match I saw your face as the blaze began I watched in silence as timber blackened." I give my variation on your poem a -6-
Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	Prince of Void 81.12.62.65	21-Jun-05/2:05 PM
beautiful****
Re: Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Prince of Void 81.12.62.65	21-Jun-05/2:03 PM
Great!
Re: Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	21-Jun-05/1:54 PM
Don't care much for those animals. Who does? But the Lost Socks - now there's one of life's great mysteries. Two go in - one comes out.
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	<~> 167.206.181.179	21-Jun-05/1:42 PM
to me, chicanes means trickery, and in that context, i think it works extraordinarily well, rich. nice double entendre.
Re: a comment on Flicking by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	21-Jun-05/12:53 PM
Well, the good thing is in this poem -chicanes- sonds almost like wind but I think it may be my own ignorance that has done me in this time. I thought they were a series of curves tight and many. I might be wron in which case, I have failed miserably. Sokay. i got a better one brewing. Oh well.
Re: Rise (incomplete) by Miracle	Dovina 69.175.32.185	21-Jun-05/9:56 AM
I'm not sure you know exactly what you want to say.
Re: Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dovina 69.175.32.185	21-Jun-05/9:53 AM
"woven plants hung on my body to cover the base creature I claim not to be" - Good line.
Re: a comment on Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	21-Jun-05/9:36 AM
That's a very kind and generous offer, but I try to avoid such goings-on with married men.
Re: Rise (incomplete) by Miracle	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	21-Jun-05/9:35 AM
it's lacking something. maybe more detail?
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	21-Jun-05/9:33 AM
Your regular therapist is not in today, so let me try. Don't avoid it. Look at it. No thanks needed. See my secretary on your way out.
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	21-Jun-05/3:38 AM
Wha are to trying to say? "You are all forcing ambitions on me"? Of course! Both Dovina and I gave quite realistic feedback. Me personally dislikes the eternally selfabsorbed theme. Others may be suckers for it. But poetry as a means to enema your growing up pangs or disappointments in your marriage life is not everybody's idea of poetry. Poems in where the 'great' Sophocles moons over the beauty of some boy suck just as much. There's only one poet who could afford this, and that's Shakespeare. And she was pulling us on. The word 'shit', b.t.w., is nowhere to be seen here. Did I give you a 1 or a 0? Can't see from here. The poem's not total 'shit', so I'll change the damned vote. >>Maybe people who can't write poetry will appreciate it?<< That's a most telling remark. So are Zodiac's links. You simply don't want to read any comments with a negative flavor, Damien. Be a sport and admit it. And yes, there are a lot more than twelve sites around where people will be 'moved' by your writings. They sincerely may be, you know. It's all a matter of setting standards.
Re: a comment on Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	zodiac 213.186.177.253	21-Jun-05/3:09 AM
I try to make each of my contemplation poems contain a penis or the word 'fucking'. What are my chances?
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	zodiac 213.186.177.253	21-Jun-05/3:08 AM
How - or how long, or how successfully - can one avoid one's "core"?
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	Damien 212.248.252.234	21-Jun-05/3:07 AM
Unfortunatley I dont understand mutual incomprehension... However I do understand this style is no good to attract fellow poets...I will work on some new styles or whatever and post a couple of new poems completely different from anything I have posted on this site.....bye critiques
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	zodiac 213.186.177.253	21-Jun-05/3:04 AM
Yes, more often that not, surely. You end up throwing a lot of poems (or rhymes) away, but what you end up keeping is worth it. At least, as far as poetry in general is worth it. Don't reject half-rhyme. Most sonnet-writers today (and there are more, and better, than you think) are writing half-rhymes. For my money, the best half-rhyme I've read recently is Pinsky's Inferno. Which is also half-pentameter, and sounds just like real Italian terza rima. Nevertheless, except for "watching" the words above are one-hundred-percent rhymes. The poem itself (partly half-rhymed, I admit,) is here: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=94353 I just read a pretty well-received contemporary (ie, published last year) poem with love/above rhymed. It's not impossible, but I'd say if you stick with well-known rhymes, you're almost sure to write the same poems as everybody else's. If you start out with, say, "bipolar" at the end of a line and can make it work, you've got a chance at doing something that hasn't been done yet.
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	Damien 212.248.252.234	21-Jun-05/3:03 AM
You fuckin idiot. The only reason I post poetry on this site is to get realistic view of my work in other peoples eyes.NOT to have people lie about it and make me feel good when really its shit. Maybe people who cant write poetry will appreciate it? We just dont know. Either way can you please say what you think is wrong with it instead of just stating its simply 'shit'. Also why would I be bothered about getting any feedback off this site at all when I get plenty from the 12 sites I post poetry to.