Re: A Place by Celtic	Dovina 69.175.32.185	4-Jul-05/10:48 AM
"hollowed out trees" If it has a deeper meaning, I missed it.
Re: Crack baby by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	4-Jul-05/10:42 AM
I often wish to write as metaphoric and imaginative as you, and often wish you would do it less for clarity's sake. Here I think you have a pretty good balance. But shouldn't it be "disconnected from skin by scissors"? The first three verses are good, but the last leaves some untapped drama or its clouded in image. It seems the last line could come up so it applies to Mummy and end with the zip code of granite.
Re: a comment on Uncorked by impert&ent	Nuit 86.128.161.224	4-Jul-05/5:33 AM
Did you send this comment to the right person!?!
Re: a comment on Plastic Ideals by Nuit	Nuit 86.128.161.224	4-Jul-05/5:32 AM
Ok, it is a bit random, thought it sounded good at the time though!
Re: So I Hear by Vince Dolamando	7!3 219.95.6.248	4-Jul-05/2:05 AM
this is def a real poem by a real poet. niicee :)
Re: Crying Tears with No Home by TLRufener	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	4-Jul-05/1:06 AM
I don't want to comment on the serious topic here. just that I didn't like the poem. the sentiment is understandable though.
Re: The taste of something new. by darby pyn	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	4-Jul-05/1:03 AM
I thought vanity was quite opaque. I can't figure out how a disconnection can be steep.
Re: Promise Me by Taco	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	4-Jul-05/1:02 AM
seems like a first draft. make line four have the same rhythm as line two. add two beats to line four of S-3
Re: Poem Written on a Ketchup Stained Paper Plate by woodstock20000	Taco 152.163.100.135	3-Jul-05/11:50 PM
Awwww .. I like this! (Hey, It's Erika. xD I finally joined! :D) It's very cute, short and sweet. Nice Job!
Re: A Place by Celtic	Taco 152.163.100.135	3-Jul-05/11:46 PM
Very Cute. It gives the reader a sense of calm, but torwards the end it begins this whole new thing, and you wonder where that sense of calmness went. But it's still a very cute poem.
Re: a comment on Gratitude by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.9.38	3-Jul-05/10:38 PM
Who are you talking to in Line 5?
Re: a comment on Gratitude by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.9.38	3-Jul-05/10:37 PM
Although I have no qualms about using "pleasure" as a verb, I’m changing it to "enjoy" because I’ve used pleasure twice.
Re: pop by Dental Panic	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	3-Jul-05/10:00 PM
I laughed. thanks.
Re: A Place by Celtic	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	3-Jul-05/9:59 PM
I didn't like it, because it doesn't do what i do. Then I read it again because I'm a bigot. Then it was fun.
Re: Mother Earth by TLRufener	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	3-Jul-05/9:56 PM
I couldn't find the beat. And i got confused by the rhyme scheme. i guess I need a cup of coffee.
Re: Plastic Ideals by Nuit	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	3-Jul-05/9:46 PM
I couldn't follow this.
Re: Gratitude by Dovina	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.57.58	3-Jul-05/9:38 PM
I have a little trouble with the 3rd to last line. "To pleasure" Pleasure is a noun. now pleasuring can be used intransitivly as a verb.. as well as pleasured. you could say "be pleased in what the dead cannot" and you don't lose the beats.
Re: Crack baby by Caducus	Craychus 164.78.252.56	3-Jul-05/8:03 PM
I really like how cold you make birth feel in this poem. a somewhat recycled feel. like a tired soul being reused to birth an inadequate baby. the images come in chilling shards. the ending was like poison, a gentle deadly surprise. i didn't expect the poem to touch on death in the end. thank you for sharing.
Re: Mother Earth by TLRufener	Craychus 164.78.252.56	3-Jul-05/7:56 PM
generally, this is a wonderful write. wistful and rather fleeting. it could use more poignancy though. i had to read several times to feel it. perhaps its the structure.
Re: A Place by Celtic	Craychus 164.78.252.56	3-Jul-05/7:53 PM
the first stanza builds up an expectation which the ending doesn't really satisfy. nonetheless i think it's a fairly good work in a nursery rhyme kind of way. thank you for sharing.