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on Spontaneous Combustion by wilco
8 Jul 2005, 6:55 AM
this has a nice bounce to it until the last stanza. why did you break it?
You're right about the rhyme dictating the poem.
definitely something to ponder on.
good point.
the title seems to imply it's about
someone persuading another into having sex.
it's ok.... but a little mechanical.
it needs more emotion.
just my opinion.
BWC I respect your writing. and you always seem sincere
with your questions so I'll try to explain.
the poem itself is about the movie "American psycho".
I do poems about movies alot. it's just something I
like to do."I try to hide but the cacophony in my head
scrapes the calcium from my bones and I
wilt". this means this person is going crazy.
the voices in his head so on and so on are wearing on
him he tries to hide by doing normal things
tries hobbies etc. but he's loosing the fight
his compulsion to kill is taking over. he is wilting
from strengh to fight these urges to become a killer.
I'd like to see more than just a description of autumn.
Good except for "twisted game of evolution."
Should end with "Lock up everything that is real" A lot of repeated ideas, but the theme is good.
Autumn by definition is a time.
ok
not one of these lines produces any pictures or feelings in me. Mostly, I'm just confused.
for instance: what does hiding have to do with wilting?
Nothing I can see makes a calf run and jump right after heâs born and fed, other than fun. Maybe he has some other concern, but itâs not evident. When you say, âThe thing that concerns me is having fun,â how is that different?
I presume you mean the meter is wrong. Surely, finding a tit is top priority for the calf.
I was being sarcastic, you dimwit.
Not terrible but the grammtical and spelling mistakes are very noticeable. If you're going to write a poem in honor of your friend, you should at least take the ime to proofread it.
Some great lines "seeded fruit and rotten core"
FIXED !
i wasn't really thinking about god when i wrote it,and you're probably right about the poker.