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Born and Fed (Free verse) by Dovina A calf comes in with urgesâ
get on feet, find a tit, run around.
This last, it seems,
concerns the calf
only for the fun of it,
glad and safe, born and fed,
worth the effort.
Up the ladder:
Mountain Gorillas
Down the ladder:
Spontaneous Combustion
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: July 4, 2005 10:29 AM PDT; Last modified: July 4, 2005 10:29 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7348 Comments:
tit in line 2 just makes it read wrong.
I presume you mean the meter is wrong. Surely, finding a tit is top priority for the calf.
Quite frankly, it's just boring.
"concerns the calf / only for the fun of it," is bumpy. You don't (typically, in any English that's ever existed) concern something for something else in that sense. Unless by concerns you mean 'makes him concerned, worries', and mayhap you do. Anyway, it's kind of like saying "flapping my arms concerns me for feeling like a bird". Do you see what I'm saying?
Otherwise, I enjoyed.
Nothing I can see makes a calf run and jump right after heâs born and fed, other than fun. Maybe he has some other concern, but itâs not evident. When you say, âThe thing that concerns me is having fun,â how is that different?
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P.S. I see cows a lot in my travels but aint put pen to paper yet. glad you did.