Dovina
on ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp
4 Nov 2005, 11:25 AM
Acrostic, not sestina.
The three "my helpless"'s don't work very well.
Seems the ? should be at the end of Verse 1.
Good as a lyric, but I think a repeating chorus would be good, something like the last verse.
I like the inhaling estuary. The heron seems parenthetic; do I miss a connection?
Wow, a comment on my poem. This can’t be Poemranker! This site is reserved for gut punches and shin kicks to the poet, the poem being there just for openers. Still, I see your wanting more body parts and less decoration. Most men do. It’s a girly kind of feeling I was trying for here, not really designed to be seductive to men. Still, a few men out there understand this sort of female sensuality with ourselves. And, no, they’re not all gay.
As for the lefsa in your pants. I must first ask if your mother was preparing Norwegian Potato Lefsa in the kitchen while you were doing chin-ups on the counter.
In the first and second you need to bring out more of the body part and less of the decoration. Lose "induce" altogether. The rest seems to move nicely.
Now. would you kindly tell me who put the lefsa in my pants?
I like this. I think I know her.
Knives remind - verse 2
I'd omit beautiful - last verse
otherwise beautiful
Funny, and true to the title.
I've got a third one but it's for sitting on.
That's because democrats tend to be isolationist pussies.
skaskowski
replying on solving the world's problems through poetry by skaskowski
3 Nov 2005, 10:21 AM
thank ya
I have two legs to stand on. You have none!
If you are one. That would explain your Diva-like name.
Now get me my beer WENCH!
Your statement has us pissing in our pants. But it's not out of fear.
Millions of people in England will soon be suing you for plagiarism.
I'm guessing the big space in the middle is where you sprinkle the anthrax.
When they take one of those bus bombs and drive it into Westminster Abbey during a royal wedding then you can talk to us about our leaders. Till then worry about old Tony and how soon before one of your slutty popstars pops Prince William's cherry.
Aperrantly youor parants passt allong thiere traddishun
uv mispeling 2 U.
I don't know if your poem represents the prom very well but it's a perfect example of the second part.
This content filter is so frustrating. I can't even get on comments-recent anymore. Someone's bound to get the idea to post a bunch of scatology and fillibuster me.
re: "Your pattern is predictable". The original subject is resolved; our conclusion is you have no leg to stand on. Except in the course of resolving that, you've made like 10 other egregious social and grammatical blunders. Which are as follows:
1) People who are Republican are less likely than non-Republicans to own passports. Do you agree with that? Passport ownership isn't a definition of Republicanism, but it is related. Don't think I'm changing the subject. This is called an analogy.
2) No, you wouldn't.
3) To that I'd add, what is any discussion of race good for?
4) You didn't say the black race and white race are widely different. You said "the most different race from his [-=Dark_Angel=-'s]" and "about as different as it gets". Surely even you can make that distinction.
In all seriousness, what do you do to get slapped for asking a girl to a dance? My theory: Pull out your wang and just say, 'Huh? Huuhhh?'