Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.93	5-Nov-05/2:13 PM
Dear everyone who cares and doesn’t, Along the coast of LaLa Land, we sometimes watch sunset on Pacific Ocean’s horizon and a little later see coast-range peaks still glistening snow in post-sunset glow. Pelicans post themselves on posts in post-day and post wisdom like Post-It notes with cocked beaks — poor misdesigned birds. I wrote “calks,” a misspelling of “cocks,” in what Freud would have called “penis envy” which subconsciously prevented my using the loaded “cocks.” His theory supposedly explains the envy many women feel of men's status and career opportunities — as if such feelings required a theory, especially one with such a provocative and misleading name. It makes you think of those few women who want a penis so badly they'd consider surgery to obtain one. But penis envy was never meant that way by silly Freud. Anyway, I’ve changed it to “cocks” and wait patiently for interpretations. As for the off/on rhyming, well, I’m not as good as I once was. But once, I’m as good as I ever was, once upon a time — Wuntz. Now everybody sing along.
Re: Never Alone at Night by Limness	anushree 59.93.242.243	5-Nov-05/5:25 AM
amazing poem
Re: a comment on fumes by FreeFormFixation	FreeFormFixation 70.225.166.245	5-Nov-05/2:30 AM
damn, i knew i should have added a fourth and a fifth
Re: A Joining Of Souls (edit) by Caducus	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	4-Nov-05/6:57 PM
The last stanza: Remnants of her remain? Yes, that's what remnants do. (Boooo Hissssss) Lose the corny end rhyme. "from beneath the lashes" ...(holds arms straight up, palms inward)
Re: a comment on Posted Pelicans by Dovina	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.138	4-Nov-05/6:47 PM
It's a losng shot but I think she's going -calk/heel- meaning -he stows his beak, resting it on his back/under a wing. Lots of birds do this. If you think about how we "heel" our tongues or tell a dog to heel meaning stay close, I think that's what she's going for. Or maybe she's begging for a pet Capybara for Christmas. I can't be sure. The on/off rhyming bugs me. The beat, does not.
Re: a comment on Steak and Satin by Dovina	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.138	4-Nov-05/6:31 PM
Solly Cholly. My mother is not alive. Nor was she Norwegian. The only time I've done chin-ups, was when I kissed pavement with my chin at Concrete Curl skatepark in Aurora Co. Mid, Erm, 70's? And I haven't had anything to post lately, can I have a shin kick on credit?
Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	4-Nov-05/4:54 PM
Has a nice sound to it but it leaves a lot of questions. What do you mean by "calks"? Why are pelicans there in the winter time? "sadness sweetly coming"? Why 13 birds? What's it about? My guess, getting pregnant. I wouldn't mind a few more stanzas given it's pleasant meter.
Re: Lunch with the Beast by D. $ Fontera	Dovina 209.247.222.94	4-Nov-05/4:31 PM
Hey, I'm waiting for him to knock on the door, a date tonight. This is just the frame of mind setter I need. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Steak and Satin by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.94	4-Nov-05/4:23 PM
Predictable,in line with the pattern. Thanks for the demonstration. Look, all I ask is that when we have a discussion, you stick somewhere near the opening topic. You usually pick up on some side issue, and get so stuck to it that you won't even listen to my suggestion that we get back on track. It's so easy to criticize on issues like wording and implications that your comments on them are hardly worthy of rebuttal. Anybody can find a little flaw and magnify it. The harder and more constructive thing is to stay with a topic.
Re: a comment on The Bed I Made by BrandonW	Dovina 209.247.222.89	4-Nov-05/3:06 PM
Well, if you're insistant against a chorus, may I suggest a melody like Frederick Chopin’s Nocturne in E-flat major, op 9, no. 2. He wrote it while in love with Camile and after he had asked her father for her hand. Because Chopin had tuberculosis, the father would not consent.
Re: a comment on The Bed I Made by BrandonW	BrandonW 216.78.55.119	4-Nov-05/2:16 PM
You're probably right about the question mark! This is actually a song I wrote and for the sake of posting, I killed the repeating chorus which is actually the 3rd stanza. I think that the last stanza gives it a sense of finality. Am C G e|----0---3---0----|----0-----------|---------------------- B|-1---------------|-0------3---1---|-0-----1---0---0------ G|--2---2---2---2--|--0---0---0---0-|--0------0---0---0---- D|---2---2---2---2-|---2---2---2---2|---0h2----2---0---0--- A|-0---0---0---0---|-3---3---3---3--|---------------------- E|-----------------|----------------|-3------3---3---3----- This is the basic pattern, you only play the G fill to lead to the chorus while singing "Everything reminds me of your.." Then right back to the basic repeated pattern.
Re: ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp	Dovina 209.247.222.98	4-Nov-05/11:25 AM
Acrostic, not sestina.
Re: fumes by FreeFormFixation	Dovina 209.247.222.98	4-Nov-05/11:22 AM
The three "my helpless"'s don't work very well.
Re: The Bed I Made by BrandonW	Dovina 209.247.222.98	4-Nov-05/11:19 AM
Seems the ? should be at the end of Verse 1. Good as a lyric, but I think a repeating chorus would be good, something like the last verse.
Re: The Old Boat by Damon Mower	Dovina 209.247.222.98	4-Nov-05/11:14 AM
I like the inhaling estuary. The heron seems parenthetic; do I miss a connection?
Re: a comment on Steak and Satin by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.98	4-Nov-05/11:08 AM
Wow, a comment on my poem. This can’t be Poemranker! This site is reserved for gut punches and shin kicks to the poet, the poem being there just for openers. Still, I see your wanting more body parts and less decoration. Most men do. It’s a girly kind of feeling I was trying for here, not really designed to be seductive to men. Still, a few men out there understand this sort of female sensuality with ourselves. And, no, they’re not all gay. As for the lefsa in your pants. I must first ask if your mother was preparing Norwegian Potato Lefsa in the kitchen while you were doing chin-ups on the counter.
Re: Steak and Satin by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67	4-Nov-05/6:17 AM
In the first and second you need to bring out more of the body part and less of the decoration. Lose "induce" altogether. The rest seems to move nicely. Now. would you kindly tell me who put the lefsa in my pants?
Re: Lunch with the Beast by D. $ Fontera	Damon Mower 62.252.128.27	4-Nov-05/5:06 AM
I like this. I think I know her.
Re: A Joining Of Souls (edit) by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Nov-05/5:13 PM
Knives remind - verse 2 I'd omit beautiful - last verse otherwise beautiful
Re: solving the world's problems through poetry by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Nov-05/12:57 PM
Funny, and true to the title.