cyan9
replying on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
25 Nov 2005, 6:17 AM
Share the wealth then, whats this new approach? (p.s. When I said it was in a different league, I meant in regards to most online work, rather than your own (in case there was confusion))
She's gonna be a character in one of your novels. I can just feel it.
I've had a lot of reasons for not sleeping with a girl. Stupidity was never one of them. God I'm such a stereotype.
It does sound like a lyric, doesn't it. Pretty catchy one too.
Thanks. I'm trying a different approach to writing poetry.
Poe's or your's? (har-har)
You're right of course. It's too focused on one aspect right now.
I only wrote it just today and I knew I'd need to broaden it.
I just wasn't sure it was worth the bother. It all started with something you said about words you keep on your refrigerator. I did my own version of that and decided on a topic and set out to use at least a few of them in the poem. I chose the worm for these reasons: A conqueror, underground activity, biblical reference, drills into the ground, shiftyness and for the "W". The worm isn't death in this poem although he brings it. The worm is "W". I just can't think of anything yet that fits him better. Once agian I agree with you. There's not enough twists and turns in the road this poem takes. What was your interpretation of the poem's meaning? I wasn't sure if I was being too vague or not enough.
In a different league to the rest.
"all kinds of guns waving in the air" and "explaining how my arm hurts" are really weak lines. The rest is pretty good.
I like the style. There's a bunch of missing punctuation and randomly capitalized words, and 'addiction' is misspelled, but the half-rhymes are really cool. I kind of wish this was a little more meaningful than a book report.
I predict you're not going to care what we say about this poem. Good for you. You'll show us.
I like the music references. What I don't like is using the worm so much. There's already a great poem with that image, you need to add something, a strong image of your own.
This would be good by Keane doing British pop doing Radiohead.
No, on second thought, let's let it all go.
Obviously I can't stop you from believing such colossal stupidity, but I'd like to suggest that you not share it with other people lest they get the idea that you're stupid and don't sleep with you.
Don't let it all go. Just let the part where you're always accusing me of classifying go.
Here's a perfect example:
REASON: Dovina might be slightly racist.
DOVINA'S BELIEFS: Nooooooooooo!
All my decisions are based on reason. My unreasonable decisions are based on an admittedly imperfect application of reason. Guess that's the end of this conversation.