Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:35 PM
I will 10-vote all your poems if you can adequately define entropy without looking it up.
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:32 PM
I Saw Your Face Last Night as I lay in bed, each line, each feature in the ceiling, your eyes urgently staring, lips parted as if to receive. Sleep distant your illusion hovered, reaching to me. I lay still, staring, not wishing to lose you in half-sleep, I tasted you in mind, waited for you to invade dreams. An empty place beside me, the sheets there cold, I traced your arms and back.
Re: I Remember Thinking by BrandonW	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:29 PM
"than she", not "than her".
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:20 PM
Please do us the small courtesy of waiting until you've finished the poem before posting it.
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:19 PM
Small edits: - Period after "legs" in stanza 1, instead of semicolon. - Drop "aside" from stanza 3. At the very least, you need punctuation after "aside". - Don't repeat "longer" in stanza 4. - Check your use of "the" and "a" again. Some (ie, 'the longer haze of a lake') is a little jarring. - "After" in stanza 5, not "Thereafter". - "I'd found" instead of "I found". - Change at least stanza 6 to past tense. Probably stanza 7 as well. That's all. This is the best thing I've read so far today.
Re: a comment on Indian Song by ALChemy	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:01 PM
It's been done. http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=134560
Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.135	12-Dec-05/11:17 AM
chthonic, subfusc, oneiric, alpenglow, lambent, prestidigitation,...whew...I hate having to get out the dictionary to look up words in the middle of reading!...are these all real words, or have you made one up?(prestidigitation) and is chthonic said 'Ku-tho-nick'? Was this some maniacal English teacher's assignment? To use these words correctly in a poem? Okay...that said...cool poem. However, I think that English teacher would say that a comma should be used here and there. (Ex:Their blindness like ours is begotten) and period usage is sketchy at best (Ex:But in the land of sand and dust.) But...I am not an English teacher, and since you said all this with such flair I will give it a decwent score. However, I can't give you a high score, since you use words such as worms and dust,(among others) that speak with such grit, but then threw in those $10.00 words. It would have been more accessible without them. That said...Amen!
Re: a comment on Indian Song by ALChemy	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.101.5	12-Dec-05/11:02 AM
Okay...then might I challenge you to make two versions that make sense standing independently? In a new one, of course!
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	12-Dec-05/9:08 AM
Lucky Guy
Re: a comment on Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	Sunshine Conkey 205.188.116.198	12-Dec-05/7:02 AM
your right, it did sound better that way....so I edited it, which meant the voting score you gave me is now gone.
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	sliver 172.196.162.4	11-Dec-05/9:37 PM
Had an awful lot of stuff.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.150.39	11-Dec-05/6:07 PM
My higher level of moral excellence has come about through years of self-imposed discipline. I took to moralizing and reading the Bible from a very young age, and this has made me an excellent judge of moral inferiority. I can quickly spot flaws in my own character, and in the appalling characters of Cockneys. There's no easy way out of moral imperfection. It demands a punishing schedule of introspection and self-degradation. Not the sort of timid, parping-about-when-someone-calls-you-naughty, self-accepting, middle-shelf, look-at-me-I'm-weak, look-at-you-you're-arrogant, trumped-up, spastics-are-people-too, constructive-criticism-only-please codswallop you get from reading Gillian Stokes books. Call me old-fashioned, but my moral system is built on more serious foundations: personal experience, Biblical scripture, heightened spiritual awareness, and Native American wisdom. You've gone completely barking, anyway. How do you find imperfections without performing an act of judgement? Oh wait that happens in phase 2. So what's the point in phase 1? Oh I get it. Phase 1 establishes a mechanism of serene acceptance and contentment -- both important prerequisites for any self-flagellation ceremony!
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	11-Dec-05/4:37 PM
Sorry, OK -d-.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	11-Dec-05/3:56 PM
I should add that I almost never consider myself angry.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	11-Dec-05/3:55 PM
1) The last line of every fake dialogue should be utter silliness. That's the only way. 2) That's fine with me. 3) If some not-angry part of me was "observing" an angry part of me, I'd say I wasn't really angry. I honestly (and not-snarkily) can't see how it could be otherwise.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/3:00 PM
I admitted I am not excellent in everything. Why do you say, “DOVINA: I'm excellent.”? In deference to your sensibilities, I would change one sentence in my response to DA. I would change “Congratulations on your feeling of moral excellence” to “Congratulations on your determination of moral excellence. The next sentence, “You must feel very content in that knowledge.” I would not change. As for standing apart from my angry self, it takes discipline and practice. You should try it.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:58 PM
I apologize for deleting your comment, zodiac. I accidentally hit the little red x. Here it is to my recollection: Zodiac: Would you mind clarifying what you mean be "I observe my emotions"? Do you mean that some part of you which is not, say, angry, looks at the angry part without itself feeling anger? Can you really properly say you're angry in that instance? I would really, genuinely, care to understand, but all I come up with is that you're kind of muddy on the idea of emotions in general. For instance: -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.: I judge myself to be excellent. DOVINA: I'm glad you *FEEL* excellent. -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.: You are a guff cozy of rather dim emotions. DOVINA: I'm excellent.
Re: donuts and such by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:41 PM
I was with you until "bedposts."
Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:32 PM
Some good images here, even if seemingly separate from any theme. I fail to see entropy, other than in the title.
Re: a comment on Due Consideration by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	11-Dec-05/2:28 PM
No, disagreeing with me could be other things less disgusting.