Re: logan st. by FreeFormFixation	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Dec-05/6:58 PM
Synesthesia?
Re: a comment on donuts and such by skaskowski	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Dec-05/6:53 PM
Nah, bedposts can stay, lose plaster.
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Dec-05/6:33 PM
Much easier to read now. I do wonder how you came about the idea of calling Bush Girlie. Maybe Pussy would be closer to Bush, nyuk nyuk. I checked CNN today, still no bread yet.
Re: a comment on The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener	TLRufener 140.146.216.76	12-Dec-05/4:37 PM
I'm sorry for borrowing a great idea. I wrote this about five years ago for a fanfiction site, and I just wanted opinions on the writing of it.
Re: a comment on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Dec-05/4:05 PM
They're all real words, words of the day even. Dictionary.com has a backlist of their "words of the day" that go back like 6 years or so. Grab a bunch that you like and when you start your next poem see if you can use any of them. Part of poetry is about expanding the lexicon of language. At $10 a word that comes to $60 please. I'll take cash or check.
Re: a comment on Indian Song by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Dec-05/3:47 PM
And in 2 different languages, ya darn show-off. Mine is hard to do because it also has to get the rhythm of the music perfect. Yours would have to start something like "Duh a furs no oh well" If you can do that and make both versions make sense... well I'll celebrate your birthday instead of Jesus'.
Re: The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:40 PM
What are you doing? This is the legend of THE CROW. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109506/ I'm sorry, I know I've given you crap about unoriginality in the past, but this seriously does not count as your own work.
Re: a comment on War (edit) by zodiac	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:30 PM
This tidbit on slate today: "Anti-psychotic drugs have relieved extreme bigotry among prison inmates."
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:12 PM
nice
Re: a comment on Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	somemorepoetry 130.160.184.150	12-Dec-05/3:09 PM
Thank you for taking the time to really read it and for all the suggestions. You caught me with a rough draft.
Re: a comment on War (edit) by zodiac	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:06 PM
Yes, we've done this before. I didn't see George, though. Maybe you'll have to paint him a little more in real likeness, or just tell me I'm dim.
Re: a comment on War (edit) by zodiac	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:05 PM
I mean 'girly'. Christ.
Re: a comment on War (edit) by zodiac	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:04 PM
It is a put-down, but not of a girl, nor of anything especially girlie. Have we had this conversation before? The answer then was: George Bush.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/3:02 PM
The difference is, as I understand it, is this - DOVINA: Look at me. I'm angry. ZODIAC: I'm looking at me. I must not really be angry. If I were really angry, I probably wouldn't be capable of looking at myself. I'm sure glad I'm not angry (or even partly angry) practically ever. What I think you're talking about is detachment from your CIRCUMSTANCES (ie, the situation doesn't make you uncontrollably sad, angry, or whatever), but you've somehow morphed it into detachment from YOUR EMOTIONS (ie, you're sad or angry but simultaneously not sad, angry, etc). You've probably done that because you have all sorts of odd notions about emotions, objectivity, and yourself existing in different realms, instead of all being part of that wonderful package that is Dovina. That's what I've been asking about.
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/3:01 PM
When you start by calling her Girlie, I immediatly assume its going to be a put-down of her. And I was not disappointed. I think it would be stronger if we were not given that assumption up front.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/2:55 PM
Well ok, but you just said you didn't. Whatever. Try a conscious effort at being an observer of yourself next time.
Re: a comment on I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/2:53 PM
That's not bad, not bad at all. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/2:51 PM
Yes, I'm trying to say I do the same thing, only much more less-complicatedly and fewer silly names. Perhaps that's why mine works.
Re: a comment on Observer by Dovina	Dovina 66.13.145.210	12-Dec-05/2:50 PM
It takes practice. Try it next time you're angry, or elated, or passionate. It really does give different, often humerous, ideas about the situation and about yourself.
Re: no title by candaliesa	zodiac 69.132.67.140	12-Dec-05/12:56 PM
Hi, candaliesa. Welcome to poemranker. It's clear that you've got the basics of writing poetry down. But I hope you're getting some ideas from these comments about the direction you should go with your writing. That is, away from overused rhymes and toward more specific and original images. A good rule of thumb is: If you've ever heard the rhyme or image you're thinking of using in any poem, song, or book, ever, DON'T USE IT. Don't be afraid to try for unusual connections between ideas or sounds. And don't be afraid to put the include the real details of your life in your poems. That's what hardworking poets have been doing for over a thousand years, and that's why we have so much good poetry. Do your boyfriend's grooming habits remind you of a duck preening in a pond? Use that! What is it that reminds you? The way he sniffs his underarms, like a duck rooting under a wing with his bill? Great! What rhymes with "preening"? Meaning, intervening? Okay! How about "darjeeling"? It's close enough. Did you ever walk around the city park pond with your boyfriend? Sure! That's how easy (or how difficult) it is. Watch for images, things, people, you can relate to your life or ideas. Then use them. Try to make the rhymes work for the content. Try to make them distinguish your poem. Don't get discouraged. Here's a good idea of rhymes that are overused, and how overused they are: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97250 Good luck. Seriously, don't give up. zodiac