Re: a comment on Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Jan-06/9:12 AM
Upon re-reading, it all makes perfect sense. It works much better when read with a clear mind!
Re: yo yo yo, ride by FreeFormFixation	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/9:07 AM
This is really weird in a facinating way. I have no clear idea or picture in my head, so I am not sure what this is about...but I like it...I think.
Re: let me know by skaskowski	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/9:04 AM
"pour forth" was a little too uppity for the rest of it. I would change that. When I got to pissy water, I thought I wasn't going to like this. But then you went on the interest me. The last two lines were a little too cliche for me; you could have ended before that, with no harm done.
Re: a comment on Moving from home by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Jan-06/8:59 AM
'Wasp-hollowed coxes' works really well as a gentle metaphor for graveyards - I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it did it for me. I could go pimply here and suggest 'wasp-hallowed coxes'...maybe not.
Re: more of the same by calliope	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:58 AM
I liked this...just like it is.
Re: Moving from home by Caducus	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:56 AM
'from rigor mortis'...seems cumbersome, and felt yucky...maybe change? ..."in stiff repose" ..something with three syllabuls would fit better than four. (entire line would have 8) I didn't understand:"Wasp hollowed coxes" . Is it refering to the tree you go on to speak about? should it be "wasp-hollowed coxes? also."The same way I entered in a cot", I would rework that.
Re: The Book of Images by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Jan-06/8:55 AM
I had to read this about three times over the course of today in order to get all the imagery here. I love this poem and I love the ending. To me, perfect!
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:44 AM
I LOVE the last stanza...as-is! It flows well for me!
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:44 AM
professionals> "a fool"...fools betters' tools...? Other than that...cool!
Re: Untouchable by rahson_s	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:40 AM
you must wait till she 'fills out' and she is almost 18...well...1st, if she is almost 18 she would /should be 'filled out'. If you state you must wait...but then go on to say how you make out in her bedroom, etc. it does not give the impression that you are waiting...nor that she is untouchable...just (and only) that you have not satisfied "the hunger of wanting to be inside her.".
Re: The Book of Images by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:31 AM
I would have ended it at "so live." or reworked the very last line. (I didn't like it at all.) I think you were very original with this! I love the first stanza, the second was a little weak, to me, though. 'Hear' used in both of the two stanzas? Thinking I would have altered that, as well.
Re: Giving in to a boring suggestion by Joe-joe	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.137.10	31-Jan-06/8:23 AM
cute... 'a martyr'...excellent line!
Re: Giving in to a boring suggestion by Joe-joe	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Jan-06/8:12 AM
Very readable...'a martyr with badly timed second thoughts' made me laugh out loud, for that this is worth a 9...very creative indeed!
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	Ranger 62.252.32.15	31-Jan-06/8:02 AM
No no no, below the gentry lies the Mayor.
Re: a comment on Glitterati by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	31-Jan-06/6:47 AM
Oh I'm a notorious blue-peter comment deleter. And then--THEN--some goddamn hippies tracked mud all over the Aubussons.
Re: The Book of Images by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	31-Jan-06/6:45 AM
I'd suggest cutting the first two verses--too much exposition. Or maybe just rework the lead in to make it more succinct.
Re: a comment on Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	31-Jan-06/4:48 AM
Right. I dodged that bullet a couple of years ago.
Re: a comment on Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	cyan9 217.40.63.105	31-Jan-06/1:21 AM
Evil metal dudes invade Narnia and cause havok, maybe its a bit deeper than that in places, but in essence... ...
Re: a comment on Our Marriage by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Jan-06/9:59 PM
Aah... Alchemy,...you not married, right?
Re: a comment on Racial Hate by Glasseyez	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Jan-06/7:49 PM
Tom Cruise - sexy? No way! His acting only irritates me. As for Tom Hanks.....he might be a better choice.