Re: a comment on Valentine by zodiac	god'swife 71.103.98.44	20-Feb-06/5:13 PM
There's some terrific info and photos at http://www.myalcaponemuseum.com/id27.htm They post a copy of a calendar from that year and the 14th is marked Valentine's day. There are several links at the top of the webpage with loads of articles and photos on the crime. As for tying in Cook's death, again I think that line about killing ourselves like all men do is the obvious link. If you're going to persue this idea,(and I think you should)try ending the poem with a third story about how you've killed yourself(figuratively)or probably will kill yourself(literally or figuratively). Use images from the massacre and Cook's death to illustrate the auto-biographical component. That would be a great poem. In the 30min. or so I spent researching I found out that the massacre ironically contributed to repealing prohibition. So maybe Frank's Valentine to the Irish can be that due to his death, whiskey will be legal again. It might not be easy to pull it off, but it might be worth it.
Re: a comment on Pancakes by raven_the_poet	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	20-Feb-06/5:06 PM
Lol. thanks for the comment.
Re: a comment on A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	20-Feb-06/5:05 PM
The meaning I intended is the name of the white clothes worn by people who play bowls. “Lily-whites” is not the technical name, but a name (noun) that I chose (invented if you wish) with mild sarcastic intent. “Lily-white” is usually used as an adjective, so I can see how using it as a noun might confuse you; but “lily-whites” could hardly be an adjective. The punctuation, which you have added, does add clarity, but I find the sentence perfectly clear without it, assuming the reader knows what bowls is.
Re: a comment on A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 86.135.203.170	20-Feb-06/4:32 PM
I thought the meaning you intended was the name of the white clothes worn by people who play bowls. Now I'm even more confused. If you want it to mean 'innocent and pure, unsullied' then the sentence makes even less sense, because you're using 'lily-white' as an adjective. You cannot stand around in an adjective. Even if you revert back to the noun form (which must be an invention of yours, or some technical bowls usage that I've never heard of) the sentence is still unparsable without punctuation, e.g. 'All they have is a squashed black egg which they stand around, in lily-whites, telling each other how genteel they are.'
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	drnick 24.176.22.254	20-Feb-06/3:17 PM
I think I'm going to be sick.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	20-Feb-06/3:15 PM
The garage door slamming down is a bit harsh. I’m afraid I slipped out of character for a moment and thought how men’s words sometimes slam down. No, Dovina, you’re a woman, speaking as a man, about a woman.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	20-Feb-06/3:09 PM
It’s good to see my subjects falling into line. “Queen Dovina” – Yes, it has a soothing ring.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	20-Feb-06/3:04 PM
Could the two of you stop arguing long enough to comment on my revisiion of verse 2 from: I wanted her to understand, but couldn't let her. to: I wanted her to understand, but words only clanked like hammer blows on the anvil.
Re: a comment on A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	20-Feb-06/2:53 PM
Thank you for admitting that you, an Englishman, know nothing about bowls, or lawn-bowling as we call it here, a game having roots in the Old Country where it is played by non-old people, though some of them are, as you say, weird. Of course you chose to mention only one definition of “lily-white,” the one that suits your attack on my parsable sentence. You ignored, “innocent and pure, unsullied - often used sarcastically” which is the meaning I intended.
Re: a comment on During the Grace by jahnotis	richa 81.178.217.160	20-Feb-06/1:56 PM
There heads are naive at the time they split open?
Re: a comment on During the Grace by jahnotis	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Feb-06/1:38 PM
How does something split naively?
Re: Conflict Resolution by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	20-Feb-06/1:29 PM
I really like this one. The third stanza is perfect, but I don't like the garage door.
Re: Conflict Resolution by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	20-Feb-06/1:00 PM
What a brat. Nice to see you're using articles in your poems again. You've got everyone doing these kind of narratives now, even zodiac.
Re: a comment on A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 86.135.203.170	20-Feb-06/12:56 PM
"Furthermore, your extrapolation of an implied circle in my perfectly understandable sentence is absurd." Originally, I had written 'wearing lily-whites', because I thought you might be referring to cricket clothes (which are actually called 'Whites'.) But I changed it because I'd never heard of anyone referring to them as 'lily-whites', and because when I looked up lily-white in the dictionary I found this: "Lily-white adj. Excluding or seeking to exclude Black people" If you want a prize for knowing more about bowls than me you can have one. But given that it's a rather obscure game that only incredibly old people (and weirdos) play, and given that when all else had failed I had rather sensibly resorted to the dictionary definition of the word (you know, the book containing the ACTUAL definitions of words according to leading wordsmiths), and given that your original sentence WAS unparsable, I don't think my interpretation was particularly absurd. What IS absurd is that you still think your sentence was perfectly understandable. Even to a nobel prize winner in bowls and bowls accessories, it was massively tits-up.
Re: You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	20-Feb-06/12:44 PM
Great lines. Could use some more punctuation to clear things up a bit. Don't be afraid to throw in a couple plain old boring lines for the sake of connecting the more inventive ones.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	20-Feb-06/11:53 AM
Being 'not-so-obvious' isn't the same as making less sense. A better way of putting it might be 'be more subtle'.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	richa 81.178.217.160	20-Feb-06/11:38 AM
There are a number of ways to draw in the reader. Having your poem make less sense is not one of them. :(
Re: Herman by richa	Ranger 62.252.32.15	20-Feb-06/11:33 AM
Dammit, why have I not read more of your works? I was gone for too long. This is a wonderful read.
Re: Stealth Assassin (draft) by Mona Lisa	richa 81.178.217.160	20-Feb-06/11:13 AM
If you are going for pathos I would prescribe attention to small detail rather than writing rape every five seconds.
Re: During the Grace by jahnotis	richa 81.178.217.160	20-Feb-06/11:07 AM
'No one perceived the bullet's path, and naively their heads split open.' Is fine 'No one realized the thorn's approach, and vulnerably their windows remain open.' Is not. How does leaving ones window open let in 'thorns'.