Re: a comment on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/11:53 AM
A fair point, although I saw the contrast of settings as quite appropriate - the love which he had went wrong, so move to something different. I read the last line as almost an invitation...the wind jeers, true, but almost in a 'told you so' kind of way - suggesting that he should instead go wherever the jeering wind came from. Does that make any sense?
Re: _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	Niphredil 192.117.117.50	9-Mar-06/11:38 AM
This is extremely good. However, I disagree with Ranger in that it still needs some work. First and foremost, 'Seppuku' jarred on me intensely because I had envisioned a medieval setting; it doesn't seem to harmonize at all with the rest of the poem. In addition, shouldn't "conquered by I" be "conquered by me; the Black Prince"? Not until I had read the poem again did I notice that the narrator was forced to conquer the kingdom; but the other prince was greeted by cheer(s?) and garlands. I guess he had it easier...
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Mar-06/11:17 AM
No, obviously my answer to your question is, "yes." He is full ob beans for believing that; and yes, the two things that you say are unrelated, are very related.
Re: a comment on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/10:07 AM
The 'lavender knoll' has a very sinsiter feel to it; that was intentional, right? The last stanza packs more jealousy into it than any daytime chat show could ever manage, for that I must congratulate you.
Re: a comment on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	Caducus 172.209.4.112	9-Mar-06/9:46 AM
Thanks. A lot about men in this one. The end isnt so much a death of him in the mortal sense but a death of what he had and i guess seppuku is out of contrast but its the suicide throes of a samurai when he dishonours himself. The sword is an almost phallic representation and the kingdom entered is meant in a sexual context. I courted with the idea of using the lady in the lake and lady of shallot but figured enough was said. I'm not 100% happy with it but it serves as a warning i guess to those who have something good in a woman and cheat on them and themselves. Conscience is a battle.
Re: _The Black Prince_ by Caducus	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/8:57 AM
I have little of use to say here, save that I don't give out tens with quite the frequency that I used to. So why is this a ten? Well it is just supreme. Every line demands its price in this, and that price is that I must read it again and again. So many sub-layers exist in here that don't follow through the entire poem; and I expect everyone who reads this can see different segments of their lives in every stanza. That is a rare achievement.
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	9-Mar-06/7:59 AM
The sick thing is we're more than happy to sit back and watch him weave his dark spell on some other unsuspecting victim. He's probably the nicest person in the world in real life.
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/7:51 AM
Actually, when I first joined up I read a comment by -=Dark_Angel=- (back then he wasn't P.I.'d) telling someone his username was copyrighted, and I genuinely believed it! Of course, he's going to surface soon and tell me with great indignation that his username really is copyrighted (2002, -=Dark_Angel=- enterprises Ltd.) isn't he? *Braces self for impact*
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	9-Mar-06/7:44 AM
I'll be honest, I don't hold the view that I put forward, just bits of it, but I did it to show you that you usually shouldn't use irony here unless you make it obvious because most people won't notice it and then when you say "just kidding" they'll think you're just copping out. Besides you tend to label yourself as a lier when you do that. I mean would you believe even half of the things Dark Angel tells you? I just think you're too damn smart to have to resort to trickery to teach someone something.
Re: The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/4:36 AM
This is so close to being favourited; I love so many of the lines in here. The only one that didn't work for me is 'Sewing society's threads'...I'm not sure why, but that grated somehow. Other than that, I think the rhyme and structure is excellent and the wordplay is very good ('Ski his schemes', 'The scene is mosaic' (actually one of the best lines I've read of yours!), 'As he weaves his lines', etc.) Actually, now I think about it, there's so much that I like in here. Sod it. Favourited!
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/4:03 AM
No! I gave up veggie burgers for Lent!
Re: a comment on Pain by terbenaw	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/3:12 AM
Good point... I'll try to apply that thought throughout the entire poem. Thanks.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/3:10 AM
It doesn't... I decided to start posting with some earlier work, figuring that with proper critiquing I can create something beyond the teenage "I'm mad at the world and wanna wallow in misery" bit...
Re: a comment on My cousin by Bobjim	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/3:03 AM
I'll repeat what I posted on another poem of yours... Seek professional help... your brain does not function properly... if at all.
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/3:01 AM
You need to seek professional help...
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/3:01 AM
I think you are... veggie burger anyone?
Re: a comment on ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp	terbenaw 69.230.27.75	9-Mar-06/2:59 AM
No offense man, but... all the Latin aside, this is not a sestina by POETIC STANDARDS. I care not of the root origins of the word, nor of what led you to believe that this is actually a sestina. The fact of the matter is: This is an Acroustic, not a Sestina. I did not base my definition off of kaolin fire's description of a sestina. Look it up ANYWHERE outside of your mind, and you will find that I am correct. If you find a site that disagrees, post it for us all to see. I'm sure we all would like to know what a sestina really is...
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	mindsigns 63.100.108.20	9-Mar-06/1:45 AM
There are a couple of original words of mine in there
Re: a comment on The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	mindsigns 63.100.108.20	9-Mar-06/1:43 AM
Been there, done that...the problem is eventually i have to come back
Re: a comment on The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	mindsigns 63.100.108.20	9-Mar-06/1:42 AM
3 was great, I could give or take 1 and 2, just start me off with 3 and plow right into the original trilogy