Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 86.135.203.170	9-Mar-06/5:07 PM
Well that was a rather limp ending to a clash of ideologies. The majority of the opinions gushing from the anti-war crowd reek of defaultism of the worst kind. "The only good kind of radicalism, is anti-American radicalism." Even our own ecargo betrayed the short-termism that simmers beneath the surface of their pious verbiage. Iraqis would be better off under Saddam? If he could see past his own nose, he'd realise that Saddam wasn't going to be there forever, that the country was heading for implosion, and that wherever that took us, it was going to be bloody. Of course there'd be the obligatory influx of foreign extremists, the inter-tribal skulduggery, and, yes, civilian casualties. All of this without the presence of a coalition force to do what they can to rebuild the country. Criticise the neo-cons for being too idealistic, or too ambitious, or too wreckless -- it takes years, not months to build a working democracy -- but if you ask me, it's the only long term solution to the problem, and it's a welcome change from propping up dictatorships for a quick and easy ride.
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 86.135.203.170	9-Mar-06/4:24 PM
And those dogs who printed those cartoons should be punished for their crimes. Cartoons depicting -=MUSLIM=- should be answered with postcards from Planet Rage. The streets of Denmark should be awash with the blood of fallen prawnes.
Re: a comment on Spring Rolls by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/2:39 PM
No idea, I'm living here as a...ssh...as a student...so my heritage is English - but I shall have to find out in the summer. My New Year's resolution was to explore the country of my residence a bit more, when I have some money I might buy a decent pair of walking boots and terrorise some ramblers. But not until the summer. I did climb Snowdon once, the 'hard way' (i.e. by train). It was quite impressive at the top, despite being one hundred percent inside a massive cloud.
Re: a comment on Sour Apple by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/2:30 PM
Oh man...I just wrote an epic comment only for Internet Exploder to fall apart...*tears hair out* Okay, so what did I write? Oh yes. 'Damascened' works perfectly where it is for both the differing shades of bark on the trees, and also if you imagine the rose in front of a tree - 'jagged' ties it in with the metal theme very nicely. The great effect you get from it is that stanzas 1-3 give a very grey-sky steely colour to the piece - then there's a quick flash of vivid green, suddenly replaced again by the silver-grey mirror. It fits extremely well, particularly given that this place isn't for her - 'she is haste and neon hues' (another great line, by the way!) 'Let her stride' is a good line, although I got the impression of her striding away from this grey land, rather than to it. Also, 'sun fails' and 'wind whines' are pretty worn - you could get away with keeping one of them, but in my opinion you'd do well to change at least one. The idea of towers and canyons brings images of teeth, which again sits nicely alongside 'jagged' - that whole theme is really well done, the jagged metal teeth sound very evil indeed. And finally - 'bird-flashed lake' is fantastic!
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	ecargo 167.219.88.140	9-Mar-06/2:22 PM
Cute idea, to twist Sonnet 130 so that it's about a dog, but execution's off. You lose iambic pentameter in line 2; "dogs'" in line one shouldn't be possessive, some other things--but those are just nits. Mostly i think it just needs more original language, particularly st. 3 (nails on chalkboards a cliche; so's "epitome of grace," really, and the long tail causing mayhem--things like that). Welcome back, btw.
Re: a comment on Spring Rolls by Ranger	ecargo 167.219.88.140	9-Mar-06/2:15 PM
You're in Wales, right? Is it true what they say about Cader Idris--that if you spend the night atop it, you come down either mad or a poet?
Re: a comment on Sour Apple by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	9-Mar-06/2:07 PM
It's an old one, revamped. 3rd stanza is the one most changed, too--go figure. Maybe I should've stuck with the original! ;) (Nah, trust me, it was worse.) I took liberties with 'damascened' (literally, metal inlayed w/another metal) and the olde-tymey language in the 2nd stanza, but, nope, can't claim that I meant to invoke "damson" and "damsel." Cool that you brought that to it though.
Re: a comment on Spring Rolls by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/1:47 PM
Spring over here bites, gnaws and chews...trust me on this!
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/1:42 PM
There's good potential here, but it's not quite living up to the promise it shows in places. 'Wires invade my couch' is good, made me think of springs sticking through the fabric. However, 'cat-poop' and 'moo-ing' in particular are (in my opinion) crying out to be replaced by something a little more...well, poetic. Still, a nice sentiment.
Re: the comet by pollywolly	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Mar-06/1:37 PM
Does it really fly? is it a burning sphere? and it draws nearer or farer, I do believe.
Re: Sour Apple by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/1:36 PM
This is very groovy, it appeals to my sense of taste (no pun intended) as I'm sure you expected! I'd have liked to see the rhyme continued over stanza 3...although it's loose throughout the piece, it gets too loose there. Stanza 1 gave me the impression of violence, that seemed carried over stanza 2 as well (glassed, jagged etc.). Stanza 4 is excellent, vanity of fairytales always makes for superb imagery. With 'a copse of beeches, damascened' is there supposed to be the play on 'damsel' and 'damson' (damsel relating to the fairytale, damson relating to the 'foresty' theme there)? Because I read it that way - aided by a misreading of 'damascened' on first sight. I love the literal use of damascened there as well - nicely original. 8 for now, I feel that stanza 3 is in need of a little surgery to get up to the standard of the rest.
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Mar-06/1:33 PM
A good-dog poem, but a bit wordy and cumbersome, i.e.: "If coal is black" seems trite. Why not just "As coal . . . "greyhounds that race" could drop the "that." "long tail is wagged" Passive voice could be made active. And If her name is stella, why not make it the last word?
Re: a comment on February by BenRice	BenRice 63.118.10.146	9-Mar-06/1:19 PM
I know, how about you go read up on the traditional haiku form.
Re: A Short Letter by Ranger	BenRice 63.118.10.146	9-Mar-06/1:13 PM
I tripped over some extra syllables on some lines. Felt a bit awkward for a limerick. At first I thought, "Byron or Chaucer"? Why not choose authors who used the limerick? But then, the speaker isn't wishing he were a limerick writer - he's wishing he were more eloquent than the simple limerick.
Re: Spring Rolls by Ranger	BenRice 63.118.10.146	9-Mar-06/1:00 PM
Clever. The word "pastry" ... just doesn't strike me as the right word, but I can't come up with something better, so maybe it is. "biting" cold... hmm not quite right with me either, but maybe that is just spring in Colorado. The spring roll metaphor works to evoke the variety of weather, color and life of spring.
Re: the comet by pollywolly	BenRice 63.118.10.146	9-Mar-06/12:52 PM
I liked the first stanza and not the second. The bit of repetition in the first worked for me as did the rhyming of eye and sky. The second verse seems a bit lazy to me compared to the imagery of the first.
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	BenRice 63.118.10.146	9-Mar-06/12:43 PM
Usually a haiku has a sort of pause or break after either the first or second line. This one doesn't, but in this case I think it works because of the continual movement of the waves. I'm not a fan of the last line though. The word "Salty" works against it (I don't think salty water as life-giving). It sounds a bit trite too, "to all"? really? With the right change in that last line, this could be a very good haiku, imho.
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	zodiac 204.238.24.4	9-Mar-06/12:40 PM
That's just stupid. Seriously, it's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. What if, instead of being about God, this conversation had taken the following tack? DOVINA: I believe The Giant Salami flies around delivering gifts to crippled children on St Crispin's day. -=Dark_Angel=-: Salamis are silly meats, you ugly bint. ZODIAC: I think -=Dark_Angel=- is rude and should apologize. First, the preceding dialogue is exactly equivalent to the cartoon brouhaha. Second, do you mean to say that in order to think -=Dark_Angel=- is rude and out of line, I have to believe The Giant Salami actually exists? That's insane. Thirdly, your head's full of beans.
Re: a comment on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar	ecargo 167.219.88.140	9-Mar-06/12:06 PM
If I worked for Comedy Central, I'd probably have spelled Stephen Colbert's name right the first time. ;)
Re: the comet by pollywolly	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Mar-06/11:56 AM
Quite cool, but you could probably turn this into a concrete poem. Which would be definitely cool. I liked the ending.