Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Apr-06/3:05 AM
This seems to be a tirade against someone with a very holier-than-thou attitude - in which case the only line I have yet to place firmly is 'An angel with a life full of sin', whether it's a different person to the one mentioned in the line above or, if as I suspect, it's about someone who doesn't practise what they preach. Someone who indulges rather than abstains. Good lines! I like the word choice in here, sufficiently nasty and vicious without being overtly violent. Also, the use of 'spit' and 'spite' so close together works well to invoke 'spirit' (ordinarily I'd be unimpressed by such repetition in poetry; here however it has good effects). So really, no crits that I can see straight away. Maybe I'll find something later but I don't feel very nitpicky today. 'Jesus hanging round your neck' is a superb line - such a contrast in the double meanings give it a wonderful ambiguity which I really like.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Wakeboarder20 71.227.248.140	30-Apr-06/12:11 AM
I can safely say I have no idea what this poem is about. That being said though the imagery is amazing. So even if I was completely lost almost instantly, I still enjoyed every line I read. Great job.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Dovina 12.72.34.28	29-Apr-06/6:53 PM
Regarding Chat: Are you using Internet Explorer, Versioin 6.0, sp2? If so, I believe there is no way to set it up so Chat will work. If someone can tell me otherwise, I'll listen and try, but I have done everything Kaolin said, and a lot more. The only solution I have found is to use Netscape 7.0.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	some deleted user 64.140.228.180	29-Apr-06/4:05 PM
This is good stuff. Not exactly my cup of tea, but doesn't mean I shouldn't give it the score it deserves.
Re: To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	some deleted user 64.140.228.180	29-Apr-06/3:56 PM
Nice Amanda, it's always a pleasure to read your poems.
Re: First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina	some deleted user 64.140.228.180	29-Apr-06/3:45 PM
I like the imagery in this--and its openess to interpretation.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/12:35 PM
You know, one day I intend to be able to say "It's 1.00 am, here in India". It has a more exotic ring to it that "It's 8.30 pm here in Wales"...
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/12:32 PM
Well I'm technologically about as useful as a dead lemur so it's no surprise to me that despite doing everything kaolin tells me to it doesn't work. I've probably turned off something vitally important along the way. No matter, I shall get it sorted asap - the chat function would be a good place to congregate, for sure. The poem I wrote is (in keeping with my recent preferences) epically ambiguous. I'd like to think that people will read it and end up thinking 'he is totally for it' or 'he is totally against it', but what I'm afraid will happen is that people will finish it thinking 'what is he going on about?' I shall withold my actual ideas about it until after I've posted, and probably until I get the chat working. Righto, now I have to depart for a while, I'll catch you if you're still about later, if not, tomorrow!
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Apr-06/12:26 PM
It's 1.00 a.m., 30th April, here in India. I'd better sign off soon. Good night.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Apr-06/12:24 PM
Alchemy ... no. I wish I had his e-mail. And chat. this is something that PR's rarely make use of. Otherwise it would be more fun to log in together and have a hearty debate. Is there much problem to logging in to chat? I never seem to have any trouble. As for ' Gospel of Judas", I have my opinins.... strong ones against it.... but depends what you write. Would love to see it though.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/12:11 PM
Shamefully I don't have the chat function operational (plus I have to go out fairly soon) however I will try to get it running for the next time you're about - I have plenty of questions about your take on religion (and not the usual critical questions either, I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear!) It might be useful for poem explanations too. How are things these days anyway? And have you seen ALChemy recently?
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	29-Apr-06/12:06 PM
Ranger.... care to chat?
Re: Tang Soo Do See Do by ecargo	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	29-Apr-06/12:03 PM
ecargo... hmmm this is pretty good. Not particulary to my taste, but even then I think I must be frank and fair. You deserve a 10. P.S. Ironically, this is the stuff I vote a zero here in my home. Punches and jabs..... I'm scared to see it physically, wondering when my kids (biggest kid - my husband) will end up with stitches (which is nothing new). An in the end my husband stands and bows pretending to be the winner among the lot. Proudly. :-)
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/11:59 AM
Well I'm glad that you're enjoying the challenge; I've struggled to write anything vaguely meaningful recently so I resorted to 'clever' stuff instead. The problem being, as I've discovered, that it's virtually impossible to communicate ideas like this poetically without the reader having background knowledge of the themes. As far as Freud goes, I know very little. However, it's all about puns. For my next act I have a poem which you might find more to your tastes. How up to date are you with this 'gospel of Judas'? You'll be more interested in my next submission, methinks.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	29-Apr-06/11:48 AM
Ranger, This is yet another piece where you've got me racking my brains. Making us exercise, aren't you? :-) Am enjoying it. Somehow you and my husband will be able to get along well with topics like this. Probably he'll be able to give you a valid critique on this. From my point of view, I don't seem to be getting anywhere far with this. It ain't particulary clear.
Re: Invasion by Roisin	Dovina 12.72.34.35	29-Apr-06/11:10 AM
A good start with L1. "push you away for not sitting close"? - seems inconsistent. Are you sure it is irritation that exhausts you in L5? I like the idea of objectively watching the imposter. I've written about this too. But I think you can do better at describing this objective/highly personasl phenomenon.
Re: Invasion by Roisin	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/4:39 AM
Okay, crits first: 'heart flutters' is somewhat overused and could do with being more inventive. 'Exhausted by the irritation' doesn't sound right...it seems to trivialise the subject, in which case it's unlikely that it would exhaust you. 'Incongruent imposter' is bordering on being an act of poetry, of which I've been accused on occasion too. Also, the start of the last stanza is a bit detached from the end of stanza two. 'An enemy' just appears and doesn't make me instantly go 'oh right, gotcha'. However, lines 3 and 4 are good, so are the first two lines of stanza 2 and the final line. 'Something which exists independently of my control' is maybe too philosophical although it works quite well. Hope these suggestions were useful.
Re: Arson by Roisin	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/4:29 AM
Here's a suggestion: given the first two lines you could easily turn this into a poem about cards, and use that as a metaphor for arson, which in turn is a metaphor for seperation. As it is, it's not a bad poem, but I found the final line lacking in originality. Referring to people as islands has been done to death, if you could find a different way of putting it I'd like it more.
Re: Throne by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	29-Apr-06/4:10 AM
Okay, I'm probably waaaay off the mark here but this actually made me think of beggars. 'In shambles', 'trundles', 'the attire is simple and worn', 'the line that I ended', '(k)nights quiver' (shivering under a blanket) all work in this way for me. That having been said, it does carry a lot of archaic weight in the language which I like in poetry, and is spot on for the theme of nobility. The only word that didn't quite work was 'vainglory'. I know it's correct but I would personally have preferred it to be split to 'vain glory'. It would keep a certain ambiguity about it that way as well. Overall, top drawer.
Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Apr-06/1:00 AM
Ha ha ha... Is the bait good enough for him,D?