Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Apr-06/12:51 AM
Hmmmm.......... Naaaa. It doesn't appeal to me.
Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Apr-06/12:47 AM
I think then it should be like - 'til -.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	MacFrantic 172.191.74.95	28-Apr-06/8:00 PM
This is definitely a poet's poem. I feel confident enough when I say that this may be the best pure poem on this site. It is catchy, raw, truly FREE verse. It even has the punch at the end that makes your eyes move back to the top and start over again. No matter what the scores on this poem, it deserves no less than a primary addition to my favorites. Of course, Ranger, nothing short of greatness should be expected from you. I hope I've tooted your horn quite sufficiently. *10*
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/4:42 PM
Your writing is not in a "pretty dire state." But, like I said about your last one, I think you are again trying to accomplish more than a reasonable amount in this poem. If your readers already know these concepts, then you might succeed with them in providing entertainment and new expressions. But for us non-phychologists, any one of those concepts would be a good chunk to deliver in a poem of this length. I am an admittedly simple reader, and others may be able to take all you want to deliver.
Re: a comment on FISH by annadoc	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/4:24 PM
It doesn't go along with the syllable structure of traditional cinquains, although I like the idea. There is the option to post as a cinquain as well. Don't mind the comment from god'swife. Personally I have doubts it was even her saying it, but that same comment has been replicated on multiple poems in the recent list. Ignore it. Comment on other peoples' poems and try to get useful feedback instead.
Re: FISH by annadoc	annadoc 161.7.2.160	28-Apr-06/4:18 PM
Thought I'd write a cinquain. Shouldn'ta posted, but I did. Why the venom (seething out)?
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/4:05 PM
I struggled with the title a little. I wanted to incorporate the Oedipal ideas with the mother tongue (being our subconscious language rather than our conscious native language). I was also trying to fit both interpretations of the poem into the title - therefore it is supposed to show both a hypno-psychoanalytic approach to working out the meaning of the dream, which ends up with the patient walking out on the analyst (mirroring the 'Dora' case), and also the dreamer discovering that the interpretation of their dream was accurate. Maybe I should change the title to 'Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams'. That might make it clearer. R.E. slips of the tongue - they are addressed even though they don't feature too prominently. It's in stanza 2. Many thanks again for commenting, my writing's in a pretty dire state at the moment and I need the help getting back on track.
Re: Throne by MacFrantic	Sunny 65.118.48.2	28-Apr-06/3:47 PM
I actually liked this mideival glory-theme :) You held close to your theme throughout which we all know is crucial in poetry. Your style even echoed of old English (not true old English of course or neither of us would understand a lick of it...). Your word choice was not only smart but another compliment to the overall theme, I like that tightness you managed to pull off so well!! I also found your stanza variation to be quite exciting & a breath of fresh air from the norm. I might have to try this spicey stanza altercation once myself!! Thanks for the read, ~Sunny
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/3:45 PM
Heh, fair enough. Somehow I seem to write best on a friday, I think it's due to actually having to apply my brain to thinking as opposed to the rest of the week. I tried to keep this fairly comprehensible; I am really struggling to write 'simple' (i.e. readable) poetry at the moment so all I am left with is experimental stuff. If it makes it any clearer, I really did dream of that owl with its butterfly wings. Hope to catch you over the weekend sometime, finally the ranker participation is starting to pick up again and things look promising. All we need now is ALChemy back and poemranker will be its usual self!
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/3:40 PM
"Did you find this written from the point of view of the therapist or from the point of view of the dreamer?" I took it as a dream interpreter's POV who could also be the dreamer. The title is confusing because of mixing past and present tenses. Qustion: If dreams are based on puns, why not consider the "slip of the tongue" feature of a persons mother tongue, especially since you mention it in the title?
Re: a comment on slice of moonlight by lmp	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/3:34 PM
Complete now, to my eyes =D
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/3:30 PM
Umm, well I was referring to the idea of the subconscious being entirely a language. Hence, dreams are not images, the pictures are merely what we create afterwards as a memory of a dream. He also thought we didn't hear in dreams, which, from experience, is bollocks. Slips of the tongue doesn't feature here. On one level it's about his theory that dreams, when from the language of the subconscious, are often based on puns rather than direct signifier/signified relations. Therefore the words are 'doubling up', 'near unconscious langue'. And there are others in there too. Question: did you find this written from the point of view of the therapist or from the point of view of the dreamer? Will have a comb through the punctuation.
Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/3:29 PM
Well, I'm surprised! I thought surely this would have brought our gold-making friend out from the lab just to say "Hey, nice try." or something. He's probably on the verge of a tungston light bulb.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	28-Apr-06/3:28 PM
hmmm, well. this is another complex read. alas, being friday afternoon and i am on my way home for the weekend, i cannot sit tight enough to think nor read clearly. i will try to get back and comment on this. holding off the vote for now as well. musn't be hasty, now!
Re: Turn your back by kliq	Sunny 65.118.48.2	28-Apr-06/3:25 PM
Sooo what your portraying here is a mockery of society because we judge others without getting to know them first?? Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what I got from it anyway...As far as my commentary goes, I really did think about the style, pattern, theme, if the poem "grabbed me" per say, and you aren't going to like this, I apologize for my honesty, but...I didn't care for it. It is not a style I enjoy: maybe I've seen it too much or just need elements such as imagery & whimsey in poetry, but that's just me. Others might completely relate. And it's not like I write about kittens & daisies or like reading that kind of material for that matter, I mean Plath is my favorite for goodness sake, so it's not that I don't appreciate the dark undertones...or flat-out obvious dark "overtones" like in this poem... Thanks for the read however, ~Sunny
Re: a comment on slice of moonlight by lmp	lmp 141.154.134.3	28-Apr-06/3:24 PM
right. a single comma should do the trick, eh? glad you liked the edit.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/3:19 PM
Freud spoke of the speech of our mother-tongue as being guarded against forgetting. But it also succumbs to another disturbance, familiar to us as "slips of the tongue." I think you are relating slips of the tongue to dreams and the interpretation of both. But frankly, it's not clear to me. You are avoiding commas at the ends of lines, maybe because you said my last one had too many of them. In general, I think punctuation is appropriate on a poem of this complexity, including commas as needed for grammar at the ends of lines. The first two lines threw me for awhile. I would change them to: Every image is disguised under normal circumstances. Now, to be extraordinary, Another nit: "lithe, nearly unconscious,"
Re: A sponatious free write by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Sunny 65.118.48.2	28-Apr-06/3:12 PM
OK, I liked this one until the last couple of stanzas where somehow I was taken into your mind's eye of life's time-toll into one particular instance of death...you the original main character, became lost into a guy in a gun fight...& as far as the last stanza, I couldn't tell if you were still talking about the above stanzas gunned-down death or another fighting instance. I get what you are trying to emphasize here, but the theme is still broken & lost in my opinion. Other than this major unclarity, I really did like your overall style :) Good, clean line breaks with a lot of action going on, kudos to you on that. ~Sunny
Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	28-Apr-06/2:54 PM
Fair play.
Re: a comment on To Brittany by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	28-Apr-06/2:52 PM
You are right about the correctness of "till." I hate it because it's also digging in the dirt or a cash till. "Until" is best.