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A sponatious free write

Member since 2003 · Posted 18 Apr 2006 · Edited 20 Apr 2006 · 3 comments

I confess These poisons I injest Are merely a test To prove That I'm a cut better Than the rest Cheating death Chasing every dangerous breath All of life is a theft The ultimate hiest The perfect getaway They won't find us Until time runs out Wake up, Time is running out I love this dream Why does it have to end It's time to step up Bigger and better Bad boy's don't live forever They go down together In a fury of flames Left over from a gun fight Gone quiet For the want of better aim Gasoline death circles As both sides duke it out In a valiant last display In death he will say I fought it out All the fucking way Now I'm dead Sentence me

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5938 views 309 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

3 comments

[8] *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* 18-Apr-06/7:32 PM Reply

Amen!!! I'm feeling this...Lindsey <8>

[8] Ranger 19-Apr-06/12:21 AM Reply

Great flow, energetic and fast. 3 typos: Spontaneous, ingest (although I like the idea of playing with ingest/in jest) and heist.

[8] Sunny 28-Apr-06/3:12 PM Reply

OK, I liked this one until the last couple of stanzas where somehow I was taken into your mind's eye of life's time-toll into one particular instance of death...you the original main character, became lost into a guy in a gun fight...& as far as the last stanza, I couldn't tell if you were still talking about the above stanzas gunned-down death or another fighting instance. I get what you are trying to emphasize here, but the theme is still broken & lost in my opinion. Other than this major unclarity, I really did like your overall style :) Good, clean line breaks with a lot of action going on, kudos to you on that.

~Sunny