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A sponatious free write (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
I confess These poisons I injest Are merely a test To prove That I'm a cut better Than the rest Cheating death Chasing every dangerous breath All of life is a theft The ultimate hiest The perfect getaway They won't find us Until time runs out Wake up, Time is running out I love this dream Why does it have to end It's time to step up Bigger and better Bad boy's don't live forever They go down together In a fury of flames Left over from a gun fight Gone quiet For the want of better aim Gasoline death circles As both sides duke it out In a valiant last display In death he will say I fought it out All the fucking way Now I'm dead Sentence me

Up the ladder: GIRL IN THE RED DRESS
Down the ladder: Silent

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5921
Posted: April 18, 2006 5:11 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2006 10:05 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] *.*ReAdY To SnAp*.* @ 65.93.143.241 | 18-Apr-06/7:32 PM | Reply
Amen!!! I'm feeling this...Lindsey <8>
[8] Ranger @ 81.152.176.97 | 19-Apr-06/12:21 AM | Reply
Great flow, energetic and fast. 3 typos: Spontaneous, ingest (although I like the idea of playing with ingest/in jest) and heist.
[8] Sunny @ 65.118.48.2 | 28-Apr-06/3:12 PM | Reply
OK, I liked this one until the last couple of stanzas where somehow I was taken into your mind's eye of life's time-toll into one particular instance of death...you the original main character, became lost into a guy in a gun fight...& as far as the last stanza, I couldn't tell if you were still talking about the above stanzas gunned-down death or another fighting instance. I get what you are trying to emphasize here, but the theme is still broken & lost in my opinion. Other than this major unclarity, I really did like your overall style :) Good, clean line breaks with a lot of action going on, kudos to you on that.

~Sunny
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