Sunny28 Apr 2006

OK, I liked this one until the last couple of stanzas where somehow I was taken into your mind's eye of life's time-toll into one particular instance of death...you the original main character, became lost into a guy in a gun fight...& as far as the last stanza, I couldn't tell if you were still talking about the above stanzas gunned-down death or another fighting instance. I get what you are trying to emphasize here, but the theme is still broken & lost in my opinion. Other than this major unclarity, I really did like your overall style :) Good, clean line breaks with a lot of action going on, kudos to you on that.

~Sunny