Re: Goa by amanda_dcosta	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/5:42 AM
ahhhh Goa the place where one attractive woman attracts a zillion indian men with fruit and cheap ornaments. Lovely people, lovely place and good to see a poem on it. Leave poemranker out though - it has no place in Goa :)
Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/5:39 AM
Sorry this one made me dizzy and like my boss needs a makeover. Your problem here i think is the story overbears th epoetry within it. C'mon Dovina love gimmee a Dovina special.
Re: Play ball he said by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/5:35 AM
looks like a copy and paste that went horribly wrong - a shame as some of its okay but t be honest it gave me cataracts :-&
Re: Foray by richa	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/5:31 AM
You do personal poems well. Should there not be their? I always admire your meter and how you keep the narrative behind the poetry. Line 5 is my favourite as I love the exposure of nature combined with a Fathers caring eye.
Re: a comment on The Wife and the Spider by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/5:26 AM
Thank you.
Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	Edna Sweetlove 81.178.65.120	19-May-06/4:52 AM
Groveling? Groveling? You mean, to rhyme with "revealing" and "ceiling" ?
Re: Generation Next, Fuck you(The Fake Out) by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Edna Sweetlove 81.178.65.120	19-May-06/4:49 AM
OK I suppose.
Re: Seizures by Sunny	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/2:49 AM
lose a few of the and's then you have yourself a good poem
Re: a comment on Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/2:47 AM
PS Think of crimson not as a word but as poets slut word. It aint your fault as i had a very sarcastic and humorous lecture from H8 or Dark Angel about it :-)
Re: Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger	Caducus 86.141.200.125	19-May-06/2:45 AM
I can see how much your writings come on and thought i should comment on what i think you need to do to fastrack the improvement even more. This could be stronger as a poem if you make it more concrete (example below) You are, a small gold leaf blown over warm earth Like a kiss- Content at rest But, if you had these eyes, you would see him sitting, in the arms of an apple tree She will hold him, with every other seeking bliss and so on...... it leaves the images stronger as it sppears more concise and focused. The style of this poem is synonymous with a lot you write and i always tailor your meter to how i imagine it could and should be. Anyway I'll probably get the piss taken out of me for leaving a proper comment lol.
Re: a comment on Goa by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	18-May-06/7:51 PM
"Dovina always wants to downsize poems": I've changed my mind. The first verse should read: "Goa beer beaches babes"
Re: Seizures by Sunny	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	18-May-06/11:04 AM
I am colorblind, so I will wait for the tulips..... what has colorblind to look forward to in tulips, definitely not the varying hues? I'm sorry, I might have got it wrong, but I haven't yet got the jist of this poem. I might be reading this with a different view, so pls don't take this personally. And may be a bit of punctuations could do , as in, "are the apparitions". Period. Line 8.
Re: The Wife and the Spider by Caducus	Niphredil 132.69.238.35	18-May-06/10:18 AM
This is most excellent. You hold the spider metaphor intact throughout the entire poem without either forgetting or abusing it. And you do it so beautifully! Both the execution and concept are terrific. -10-. p.s. I think "weaved" in the second line should be "wove".
Re: a comment on 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	18-May-06/5:04 AM
Transferrence of feeling? I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't get how you get Jim Carrey out of it either. Think it's more like Weird Al Yankovic doing Amish Paradise.
Re: a comment on 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	18-May-06/4:57 AM
No hymens either. Isn't everyone in heaven pure and virtuous?
Re: test by zanzina	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	18-May-06/4:53 AM
You failed.
Re: Goa by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	17-May-06/7:03 PM
I hope this edition will prove itself more favorable than the original post. Read on and enjoy!
Re: test by zanzina	richa 85.210.105.112	17-May-06/2:38 PM
If the test is to see whether people will vote for any old bum then -10-
Re: The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	richa 85.210.105.112	17-May-06/2:33 PM
'She knew her life’s pattern; her ethics were set'. Don't like this. It is just stating the plot. Show don't tell.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	richa 85.210.105.112	17-May-06/2:29 PM
72 virgins are ace because they are pure and virtuous. In heaven on must forsake any thoughts of sin for they can't be lived out. There are only souls in heaven. No bones. :(