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Goa (Prose Poem) by amanda_dcosta
This is a place well known for babes, beaches and beer. It's true that you would find this dream-come-true here. I came here five years ago and fell in love with all that Goa claimed to be except the beer bottle. We live atop a plateau that over looks the sea, the sunset is often quite a sight When viewed through greenery. The coconut trees that dot the coast and pine trees at Betal Batim, are wondrous spots to hang out or chill out by the beach. Nay, this is not why I love this place, or long to remain here. For five years back we set out to independently start our home. The love between my man and I grew fonder day by day, as we began to depend on each other in many ways. Our children too know no other place, except for grandpa's home; way down town south a long way off an overnight trip to go. Our friends are few, yet beautiful In more ways than one. They willingly accepted me and above all, I feel loved. It's here that I developed a taste for painting crazily. An amateur in this field, they tolerate me willingly. And Poemranker, yes, it's true, I'll remember this seat so vividly. How I sit here everytime and spend my day poetically. Alas, it's time for me to go back home, down town south. Goa... I'll always love you. you've a special place in my heart.

Up the ladder: Let God Unwrite Itself
Down the ladder: Squalid

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5256
Posted: May 16, 2006 10:57 AM PDT; Last modified: May 17, 2006 7:02 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 16-May-06/1:38 PM | Reply
This is a nice narrative and story. As a poem, it lacks the usually expected structures. For example, the first verse might be reworded

Well known for babes, beaches and beer.
Goa - a dream come true.

Not crazy about "nay" and "crazily."
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 > Dovina | 17-May-06/12:26 PM | Reply
Thanks Dovina.

Not very convincing critisism, nonetheless I take it into consideration.
[10] ALChemy @ 71.75.176.68 | 17-May-06/6:57 AM | Reply
Don't use stanzas in this poem. Lose the line spaces and just stick the whole thing together so it brings out the story quality of the poem better. "atop" not "a top", plus you've got alot of capital letters in the wrong place. Otherwise it's one of the best things you've written.

Ps. I have no idea what the hell Dovina is talking about. She always wants to downsize poems.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 > ALChemy | 17-May-06/12:32 PM | Reply
Thanks AL. Hmmmm. So you think it's one ogf my best? That's god to hear. :-). Recently I haven't been writing much and it's nice to see a couple of tens to make up for it. I presume you could say that there was a lot of emotion in what I wrote.

I wrote it on MS Word and it has automatic caps each line. I didn't have the patience to check it last night when I wrote it.
There's quite a lot of caps unnecessarily. Sorry about that. I may not write for quite a while, and even if I do, I might post more only after I settle down in Cochin, down south 780 km. from Goa.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 > amanda_dcosta | 17-May-06/12:34 PM | Reply
OOOps.... I've been making mistakes again. I mean it's good to hear.
[10] ALChemy @ 71.75.176.68 > amanda_dcosta | 17-May-06/12:40 PM | Reply
That's OK, I'm sure The Lord Good will forgive you :)
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 > ALChemy | 17-May-06/12:47 PM | Reply
Either way.... He is the Lord Good!
[7] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > ALChemy | 18-May-06/7:51 PM | Reply
"Dovina always wants to downsize poems": I've changed my mind. The first verse should read: "Goa beer beaches babes"
[n/a] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 | 17-May-06/7:03 PM | Reply
I hope this edition will prove itself more favorable than the original post. Read on and enjoy!
[6] Caducus @ 86.141.200.125 | 19-May-06/5:42 AM | Reply
ahhhh Goa the place where one attractive woman attracts a zillion indian men with fruit and cheap ornaments.

Lovely people, lovely place and good to see a poem on it.

Leave poemranker out though - it has no place in Goa :)
[9] crazyknight @ 211.74.198.37 | 23-May-06/8:03 PM | Reply
I would love to be in a place where an attractive woman attracts a zillion men, for they are men. Not like the places where the heart of men are carved in stone or corrupted by the strangest attractions......
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