poemranker ::The Air That Escapes His Lungs. by cleverdevice

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Free verse № 99256

The Air That Escapes His Lungs.

by cleverdevice

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Apr 2004 · 4 comments

The air that escapes his lungs shall not return, It shall not return, like the brothers he knew. Gone is the air like his hopes his dreams. Gone is the air, it shall not renew. Pale and ashen his croaks go unheard. Unheard, unlike the screams of his friends. His croaks go unheard, like his fate goes unheard. His croaks go unheard 'till the end. His tears are shed like the blood he has shed, Shed for causes unknown, unknown, Unknown like the pain he has to bear, The pains which are sharpened, are honed. No more is this child, this child of this earth. No more is he as no more are they, They that struggled for this place, this heart, They are no more, no more is their day.

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mean 6.25 weighted 5.15 rank 5244 views 208 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

4 comments

[8] SupremeDreamer 28-Apr-04/5:52 AM Reply
It makes me feel as if I'm attending a new age funeral proceeding conducted by an unknown militant cult- but thats not bad, mostly I liked it, but its well.. slightly more stiff than a catholic sermon, to me anyway.

Blessed with eight.
[8] zodiac 28-Apr-04/6:08 PM Reply
When you write these poems, do you give any consideration to how they work in real-life, or is it all about the allegory? To wit: "The air that escapes his lungs shall not return," - The truth is that it probably will sooner or later, especially if he's in some kind of phone or porn-viewing booth. I just think it would help for you to keep that kind of thing in mind, is all. You know, write poems about things that could actually happen.

-Feeling Helpful in Waukeegan
[n/a] cleverdevice › zodiac 4-May-04/2:50 AM Reply
Its a dying breath observation, come on, a little tiny-weeny bit of imagination might have got that?!
[9] Ranger 6-Oct-06/12:07 AM Reply
I read it as more a war poem than simply a dying breath one. The second line in the last stanza is offbeat but the rest is rather brilliant.