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The Air That Escapes His Lungs. (Free verse) by cleverdevice The air that escapes his lungs shall not return,
It shall not return, like the brothers he knew.
Gone is the air like his hopes his dreams.
Gone is the air, it shall not renew.
Pale and ashen his croaks go unheard.
Unheard, unlike the screams of his friends.
His croaks go unheard, like his fate goes unheard.
His croaks go unheard 'till the end.
His tears are shed like the blood he has shed,
Shed for causes unknown, unknown,
Unknown like the pain he has to bear,
The pains which are sharpened, are honed.
No more is this child, this child of this earth.
No more is he as no more are they,
They that struggled for this place, this heart,
They are no more, no more is their day.
Up the ladder:
Just Before My Shift Ends at The Uptowner
Down the ladder:
Stratifying the Stress
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: April 28, 2004 2:57 AM PDT; Last modified: April 28, 2004 2:57 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5278 Comments:
When you write these poems, do you give any consideration to how they work in real-life, or is it all about the allegory? To wit: "The air that escapes his lungs shall not return," - The truth is that it probably will sooner or later, especially if he's in some kind of phone or porn-viewing booth. I just think it would help for you to keep that kind of thing in mind, is all. You know, write poems about things that could actually happen.
-Feeling Helpful in Waukeegan
Its a dying breath observation, come on, a little tiny-weeny bit of imagination might have got that?!
I read it as more a war poem than simply a dying breath one. The second line in the last stanza is offbeat but the rest is rather brilliant.
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Blessed with eight.