Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:52 AM
*Ahem* Angst (Free verse) by Mikius Angst. Torturing my mind with pain. Like a thousand people, Being tortured. Painfully. Painfully tortured. Like my soul. Which is also tortured. And painful. Wrapped in torturous pain. But not as bad as my heart. Which is infinitely pained. And tortured. Painful. Pain. -Fin- That's what it's all about.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:50 AM
Now THAT's motivation! I did lose the way at the insect line, it's true; this is where I was incorporating an old draft into a new idea and forgot to sew it all together.
Re: Weather poem part 5: the cold dusk by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:48 AM
A collection of haikus, unless I'm very much mistaken. This is good - it carries a certain amount of angst, but deals with it exceptionally well. The last stanza works wonders with the juxtaposing of release and hell, even if 'and hell,' is just an exclamatory expression. I'm not sure if you meant it in the sense of 'night brings release and hell/I miss her'. If so, bonus kudos!
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	nypoet22 65.2.216.112	30-Sep-06/6:46 AM
very clever and almost complete. you've left out someone very important. this poem could use a self-aware addendum, an acknowledgement that the speaker himself would also probably not be missed.
Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:39 AM
Yeah, I quite liked this. 'My heart is red, my mood is blue' is overused - but following it with 'My thoughts are sort of gray' makes it work, in my opinion. I'd alter the last line (it's very Linkin Park-y, whereas the rest is a bit more delicate). Keep writing rhythmic poetry (this is good), originality will come in time.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	<~> 69.183.14.90	30-Sep-06/6:36 AM
ti's a tilde, so you you near rhyme "will do" or something close to that....
Re: a comment on Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	<~> 69.183.14.90	30-Sep-06/6:35 AM
thanks, ranger. i'm not sure if i can make this one work without giving away the context. i'd like to get a few more comments before i reveal it. a friend pointed out that perhaps this one is just for me, but i'd like to be able to publish it. i knwo it needs a lot of work.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:27 AM
Nice to see you around again :-) But seriously, I can't think of a more poetically unforgiving username than <~> in the entire world. Damn these keyboards and their vast multitude of special characters, damn them to the deepest bow'ls of Microsoft.
Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:18 AM
Love the alternation, although it took me a second read to work it out. Nice, simple language which works well - something I have yet to master - although the ending left me wondering who the poem was addressed to. Lover, husband, friend, all possibilities. But this isn't a piece to be rushed :-)
Re: a comment on the secret life of the sundew by pollywolly	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:13 AM
I kind of liked 'nectarine'. I know it's not grammatically correct - unless the plant decided that nectarines would work as a good lure, and maybe they would - but he's described the sundew as 'she', so the feminine ending '-ine' gives a really creepy femme fatale tone to that section. That being said, though, 'sweat her deadly pores' and 'sticky embrace' aren't nearly graceful enough to carry that idea to the end.
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:10 AM
Brilliant. Millions of chaps who are lucky/unlucky enough to fall under the 'nice guy' category (I'm still not decided on whether it's a blessing or a curse) will nod sagely upon reading this. I love the perspective you tell this from, too - her side of the story...yet at the end of the day, really giving no emotions away. This gets a ten, and deserves it.
Re: a comment on Her Eyes by Fayt	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/6:06 AM
Sure. Find a solid structure for this - it's a sonnet; read some Shakespeare for the metre. For instance, 'unique radiant' doesn't work together very well. That may be down to accent differences I suppose (you're in the States, right?) but I'd be surprised if it was. In that passage, the stresses go 'u-NIQUE RA-diant' whereas classical Shakesperean sonnets were mostly (if not all) iambic pentameter which has a da-DUM da-DUM beat. That's not to say that all the words have to be bisyllabic, you can end one word on a weak ('da') ending and start the next on a strong ('DUM'). You'll also find that constraining yourself to a set metre will also help you find new words to use, and hopefully from there, a bit more inventiveness. 'I write this ode to you' is a good bit of iambic metre, although obviously not pentameter. Definitely get rid of 'love/above' though.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Sep-06/5:58 AM
I think you're right; I still don't quite know what I want to say in here. I know I mean something, I'm just hoping that as this evolves it'll become clear (so much for poetic certainty...). Ominous is the idea - the first stanza lets it down most, although the last stanza is meant to be a little lighter. Maybe I could get away with some blustery language, it is about storm and wind after all (yes okay, you can kill me later ;-) )
Re: a comment on Her Eyes by Fayt	Fayt 71.166.69.70	29-Sep-06/10:29 PM
can i get some patronising rubbish from you? =P
Re: a comment on Wyndham by Aetius	Aetius 216.254.9.2	29-Sep-06/1:54 PM
What makes you think I expect comments or votes?
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:41 PM
i think you go too far, here, ranger. i know you mean 'sunflower" but solar flower reads as solar flare, to me, at first--not that it will read like that to everyone, but 'flare' is a word often quick on the heels of 'solar'. you've got some nice descriptions here, but the language gets blustery, rather than omminous, whioch is, i think the mood you want to set for this. although, i could be wrong.
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:39 PM
"flashing quick and crosshatched with careless pricker scrapes;" oooh. ooh. ooh.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:38 PM
hi Ranger!
Re: Wet dreams by ecargo	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:37 PM
gorgeous language, e. 'mother bulk' sat well with me. it was the perfect image, for me, to describe the scene.
Re: a fresh start by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:35 PM
except, lose the last line.