Re: a fresh start by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:35 PM
the perfect pimple! 10, i say! 10!
Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:27 PM
do you know about enjambement? it's a useful poetic device. this is an excellent start, but if you didn't end each line so suddenly, i think you could make this baby work overtime.
Re: the secret life of the sundew by pollywolly	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:26 PM
don't you mean nectar?
Re: Wyndham by Aetius	<~> 167.206.181.179	29-Sep-06/1:21 PM
LOl. quite a bit of fun, here, ae
Re: Wyndham by Aetius	Dovina 12.72.43.195	29-Sep-06/12:43 PM
You have been on Poemranker since 4/04, have posted 8 poems, commented on none, voted on none. And you have the audacity to expect comment and votes on this! Have a nice day. :(
Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	Dovina 12.72.43.195	29-Sep-06/11:20 AM
For your age, this is quite good. If your were 50, I would say it is a collection of cliches. The glory of youth is the newness of everything. It's quite refreshing. Keep writing, you're better at it than most thirteen-yeart-olds.
Re: fear by BrendanElder	half.italian 70.36.242.152	29-Sep-06/12:04 AM
I can feel it coming from you heart. Beautiful.
Re: a comment on Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.13	28-Sep-06/11:03 PM
oops...Typo>MAYBE you could find... You are only 13?! Then...I should have voted even higher!...this is better than ALOT of stuff I have read here in the past. Keep writing, and listen to the help people offer you. You have much potential. You write much better than a majority of the stuff I was doing at your age. Want some advice? Save EVERYTHING you write..it gives you ideas, fresh things come to mind later when you read them, and it creates a scrapbook of sorts where you can see how you grow as a writer. I'm glad you are here...i will be checking in to see what else you come up with. Don't be sensitive to what people comment to you...there are alot of seasoned writers in here, and they can be rather honest in a blunt way. I hope you can appreciate honesty and gain whatever help and encouragement you need. Welcome!
Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	28-Sep-06/10:54 PM
You followed a rhyming patterned, and I felt it when you deviated from it...may you could find a way of sticking with it through to the end? I also think some commas, instead of period, would work better. That said, I like this. Simple style, but a nice little piece.
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	28-Sep-06/10:40 PM
I am way too exhausted to read anymore tonight...I'll save my vote for later. I'm not sure what this is about, exactly. I think it is painting a picture...of which she is not very fond; and she, very fond are you of. It seems to be that...but then I may later find it is about a thousand other things...I know how you like to lay your layers between layers...nothing for the mind-numb, from you. I will come back to read again and expound upon that which sent my lobes leaping, and that which left me yearning for something more...you deserve nothing less than a thoroughly penetrating look, scathing honesty, and unabashed confessions when you excite the senses to such unmentionably exquisite places.
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	28-Sep-06/10:22 PM
Cool...I would consider changing the 'ears' line...maybe change 'see' to grasp, grab,...I don't know; maybe not...you are in a fog of thought and reacting from an inner, gut level and language here. I would probably use just such a phrase, especially within the context of internal dialog. The first read-through didn't grab me, but after a second, then a third read, it grew on me. I do think it has potential to be more...not by way of excessive wording- but in expounding. I'd like to know more...from point a to point b, etc.
Re: a comment on Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.13	28-Sep-06/10:06 PM
This DOES have an elusive, sexy, unique complication to it that just rocks, doesn't it?! Glad to see someone shares my opinion!
Re: Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	28-Sep-06/10:03 PM
I have a rule: read first, comment next, vote thirdly, hit submit...then go see what others had to say. I hope, hope, Hope people found this to be of as great a worth as I. It is a gem...an absolute gem. Fantastic. I do think I would have moved "the girl," up to the first line of the last stanza, to help with flow there. Also "till blood did hum" didn't seem to rise to the high caliber this piece called for. That said...This is a fantastic piece. Now I will have to go looking for what else you have lain quill to!
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.13	28-Sep-06/9:24 PM
Oh My, I have been away a while....seems I missed a bit of nastiness. THAT kind of nastiness I can do without. I am surprised by the level of venom...and disappointed. That said, I totally disagree with those who bashed this piece. IMHO, it is a solid piece; and I can not fathom anyone calling it far less than that. Personal preferences are one thing; opinion is another; but personal attacks reflect badly on the one posting them. We post as a way of askance, and know that 'Joe Public' will respond with his opinion of what we write. We are free to accept the assessment or to reject it. Going for the jugular of one who posts a comment discourages others from commenting with their honest opinion...and in the end the writer loses what could be a valuable tool.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Sep-06/4:53 PM
I really like it up until the insect-line, I'm not sure where you're going from there on. I like "in clicking like an oaken farmhouse door" and "as solar flowers threw their manes around with total disregard; the screaming slaves in chain-gang rows." very good descriptions. At the same time, I know you can write much more vivdly. So fucking do it.
Re: a comment on Doubtcohol by drnick	Dovina 12.72.42.198	28-Sep-06/4:41 PM
Thereon are built the greatest lives.
Re: a comment on Doubtcohol by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Sep-06/4:36 PM
p.s. That's because I'm a good person in need of help.
Re: a comment on Doubtcohol by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Sep-06/4:35 PM
The captials are for the rythem.
Re: a comment on Doubtcohol by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Sep-06/4:34 PM
The capitalization is supposed to help, or you could listen to the song "jambi" by tool because I took the rythem from the verse. My parents are just coming back from england, they went to visit my grandparents in ferndown. I never left school, I've been taking classes non-fucking-stop, but ill be done this spring so i suppose i have that to look forward to.
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	28-Sep-06/10:21 AM
I am not sure that I required the intro...this piece didn't need 'setting up'. That said...this is a really strong piece on several merits. Word choice was Choice, good flow/rythm (getting better at that, aren't you?!), has a timeless feel to it, classic without being a repetitious example of classic form, held my interest very well, and painted a lovely picture...yes, I said lovely. I has a touch of morbidity, but only a touch that does not dwell concretely there. Fascinating and captivating. Think about submitting this one for publication. A few little fixes here and there may be needed:"To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn" I'd like to see written in a way that encouraged a better flow. To cover- maybe hide you, till the dawn...? I don't know how, but the dashes seem to call for more halting than I feel comfortable with. Also, you use commas and such, but not entirely. I think you could use one here: 'Still, you burn so white' In fact, periods etc would probably be called for since you used>,;'...:) (Hence, the 9 vote) The pieces that seem to come from the distant past, that read as if written in some far-away time and place, seem to be your forte'. True to my own rule, I will vote and comment before I read what others voted and commented... but must admit I am anxious to see others' reactions.