Re: Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.206	3-Dec-06/2:08 AM
I admire anyone who can write a beautiful sonnet, for this is something I have not achieved yet. You have done a swell job at it and hence I choose not to be too critical about its contents.
Re: And She Came Back by Enkidu	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.206	3-Dec-06/2:03 AM
Hmmm.. I think this could be shortened to contain less detail and more impact.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.206	3-Dec-06/1:48 AM
I kinda wonder how you come up with the contents you write. Pretty good , I must say.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.206	3-Dec-06/1:45 AM
Ranger... this is just too good. I read it a couple of times..but never got down to commenting. Sorry for the delay. Keep writing. You do a very good job at it.
Re: a comment on Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 62.16.135.98	2-Dec-06/7:43 PM
Thanks! I'm not all that proficient with the use of punctuation in my poems.
Re: a comment on Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 62.16.135.98	2-Dec-06/7:42 PM
I've understood as much :) That you don't really like the form that is. I find it refreshing writing sonnets though, so I'll keep at it! (for a time at least). As to perfect innocence. I'm not sure, but innocence in itself is a term loosely used. Perfect innocence though, that would like the epitome of the very concept. Then again, when I decide to write stuff like this, it will come out kinda, well, "ugh" for some. :D Thanks, as always, for your thoughts. It's neat when someone disagrees with you!
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/4:21 PM
Santa's awful howls fill the porcelain valley as red becomes browne
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	nentwined 68.232.253.122	2-Dec-06/2:23 PM
Probably if I didn't own the site, I wouldn't have been the "vitim" of 0-wars and 10-wars, so likely true.
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	nentwined 68.232.253.122	2-Dec-06/2:21 PM
Satan's lonely jow'ls Sag, a calme before the storme Of concentration
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/2:13 PM
You need an extra exclamation mark in line 5.
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/2:12 PM
Weep (Haipoo) by Ranger Satan's brownly bow'ls Squeeze to let the bum open Nothing much appears
Re: a comment on Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Dec-06/2:06 PM
I don't see anything wrong with the 'deluge' line, nothing unforgivable at least. Line two needs some punctuation ('The nascent truth - a herald's cries of war' would do it).
Re: Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Dec-06/10:16 AM
You have the pentameter consistent this time. And it has the feel of old-time sonnets. But, again I find it constrained to the meter, and this time to the loss of meaning. For example, "perfect" adds little to "innocece" besides pentameter and overstatement. And "Deluge" has the accent on "uge." I could do no better with it, however, and think the best solution might be to give up on pentameter or on sonnet. Sorry, I have little respect for the form, and that's part of the problem.
Re: a comment on Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 62.16.135.98	1-Dec-06/8:18 PM
True that. I switched on purpose though. Felt that tetrameter would do perfectly in the couplet :) I don't really agree with scornful and grim being that similar. But I do, however, agree with you saying I've used some words to make the pentameter work. If I wanted to write modern stuff, I'd stick to wishy washy free verse, just jamming with words. Seeing as I'm not really skilled doing that, I'll keep fiddling with these older forms. That's the thing with writing in strict forms, it's not easy making it all slippery easy greasy to read. All over, I'm content though. If you have any suggestions as to make it better, I'll be happy to hear em :)
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	Dovina 12.72.36.24	1-Dec-06/8:07 PM
Sonnets don't have to be pentameter, not in modern circles anyway. But when you start that way and switch to four iambs in the last two lines, it sounds like a switch of gears. Also, in Line 3, scornful and grim are so similar that it sounds like one of them was added for pentameter's sake.
Re: Wretch by MacFrantic	Stephen Robins 89.241.248.169	1-Dec-06/3:41 PM
Yopu either need to masturbate into a woman or get trapped in one, either way this is utter village .
Re: sleep by nentwined	Stephen Robins 89.241.248.169	1-Dec-06/3:40 PM
What utter nonsense, if you didn't own this site you would not get half the tens you get. That is utter bum sweat.
Re: sleep by nentwined	Dovina 12.72.36.162	30-Nov-06/9:16 PM
good point
Re: The Beach by Evening	MacFrantic 129.82.152.91	30-Nov-06/12:41 PM
This has some good imagery, but the punctuation was lazy and it sounds like it should be shorter.
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 75.35.231.137	29-Nov-06/10:53 AM
Boredome and Ignorance. Alas I'm held captive.