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The Beach (Free verse) by Evening
The sea and horizon met, beyond what I could see
We stood ankle-deep, and watched the swallows seek the sky
we waited an eternal moment, for the tide that could not come
and turned our eyes to the swallow, who had reached the sun
She held out her hand, and nearly made me smile
I looked at tangled plants below, and walked towards the beach
I did not say goodbye, I dared not look back
but I still wonder if she knew, what dwelled beneath the sea
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5295
Posted: December 28, 2003 11:12 PM PST; Last modified: December 28, 2003 11:12 PM PST
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Comments:
212 view(s)
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lots of very common verbs, not sure if I like that (looked, turned, walked, watched) - dunno - i like it overall nonetheless.
Should I've used "gazed", "glanced", "strolled" or "wander" instead? That would be pointless as they do not bring anything to the poem just clutters it up. When it says "watched" I do mean watched not gazed or glanced, if I did I would have used another word instead.
I may sound a tad angry, but I am not, I actually value good critizism. The good as well as the bad