| Re: a comment on Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Stephen Robins 89.242.171.72 |
29-Nov-06/10:50 AM |
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"The Loom the Witch and the Wardrobe" wasn't as spiritually fulfiling as the David Attenborough documentary "Planet Loom".
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| Re: Wretch by MacFrantic |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
28-Nov-06/8:47 PM |
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Pretty neat, making all the lines of the same number of characters. And it has a good point to boot. Nice.
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| Re: a comment on Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
SupremeDreamer 75.35.231.137 |
28-Nov-06/10:31 AM |
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Are you trying to hit on Darkie now? My god woman, have you no DECENCY?? ;P
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| Re: a comment on Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
28-Nov-06/9:32 AM |
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What the loom needs now is love, sweet love.
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
28-Nov-06/9:31 AM |
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I prefer it as one syllable. It rings better that way, no?
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| Re: a comment on Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 91.184.201.59 |
28-Nov-06/2:42 AM |
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Twenty Thousand Looms Under the Sea
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Schlinkey 62.16.135.98 |
27-Nov-06/8:00 PM |
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Quarrel, two syllables (QUARrel), no?
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
27-Nov-06/7:48 PM |
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And AS this QUARREL now ENDS, my TEARS shall RUN
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Schlinkey 62.16.135.98 |
27-Nov-06/3:06 PM |
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Agree on the "do"s as well. Adding the "now" in line 13 would mess up the pentameter though. Thanks! :)
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| Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
27-Nov-06/2:50 PM |
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I agree with Ranger on the "do"s. I think you could make both of them "shall". The rhythm is good in all but Line 13. Try "And as this quarrel now ends, my tears shall run."
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Schlinkey 62.16.135.98 |
27-Nov-06/2:28 PM |
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Haha! I've been fixing that as you wrote your comment. Thanks a lot for for putting that to my attention. Haven't really taken time to work out the punctuation in these sonnets. Hope it's a bit better now?
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| Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
27-Nov-06/2:26 PM |
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I'd cut a few of the commas and replace them with alternative punctuation - purely for presentation. Other than that I enjoyed this, although I rarely like seeing the dummy auxiliary 'do' used, even in a classical style. If it's possible to edit that out, it might be worthwhile.
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| Re: Raising the nap by howl |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
27-Nov-06/2:23 PM |
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'Slow as the creep of soil' is a really nice image. Does 'teas' want an apostrophe?
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
27-Nov-06/2:18 PM |
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There's nothing wrong with internal rhymes - same as with end-rhymes - so long as they're consistent. I wouldn't worry about the English pronunciation; most English have forgotten it too.
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| Re: Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
27-Nov-06/2:16 PM |
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I eagerly await 'Around the Loom in Eighty Days'
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| Re: a comment on Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey |
Schlinkey 62.16.135.98 |
27-Nov-06/2:10 PM |
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Thank you for these points! I'll have to ponder hard on these internal rhymes which seem to be a problem in most my sonnets. To be honest, I'd completely forgotten the other way to pronounce "clerk". Darnit!
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| Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
27-Nov-06/1:57 PM |
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Another very readable sonnet, although again I'm unconvinced by the initial internal rhyming - it sets up an expectation that isn't carried through. It needs punctuation after each quote in order to satisfy the grammar nazi, and over here 'clerk' is pronounced 'clark' which screws up your final rhyme, but that's not really an issue. 'Almond eyes' is really good, conjures up cyanide connotations (works well with the death), and the last two lines are well worked.
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| Re: Goldmunds Slut Fiasco v.2 [Revised] by Y2kSlamPoet |
Prince of Void 213.207.253.13 |
27-Nov-06/10:37 AM |
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it's good ..and keep going on this way ..don't trun it into other ways
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| Re: a comment on The Comedy of Mighty Rockmage: Combatting Old Age. by Don-Quixote |
Don-Quixote 75.35.231.137 |
27-Nov-06/10:02 AM |
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Don't trample my dreams ;(
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| Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey |
howl 81.179.116.59 |
27-Nov-06/2:12 AM |
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Like the curate's egg. I don't like 'Your scornful view on things is far too grim;'.
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