Re: a comment on Love - In the Noughties by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.156	4-Jun-07/5:24 PM
what can I say...was bored/lazy. In a strange way those tired ol' phrases kinda work...in the context of the write, yea? Or am I just reaching here?
Re: a comment on Ago by Enkidu	lmp 141.154.134.3	4-Jun-07/2:48 PM
sorry, but that phrase always reminds me of stool samples.
Re: Ago by Enkidu	lmp 141.154.134.3	4-Jun-07/2:47 PM
please, continue.....
Re: Like a Whore {erotic} by sca	lmp 141.154.134.3	4-Jun-07/2:38 PM
rowr.
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	Dovina 12.227.134.94	4-Jun-07/10:04 AM
The dog did not come out for a loss; he came out to bark or to bite. I think you know that and wish to antagonize, or maybe I should be as precise as you always are. “too much of a threat, too little to trust,” is the dog’s conclusion that friendship with the cyclist is too much of a threat and that she is untrustworthy.
Re: Quatrain by ALChemy	dclark 67.140.207.128	4-Jun-07/9:58 AM
its pretty good, i like it, if you could find something beside men on the line that reads, "and monsters are born from minds of men." maybe male.
Re: Suck it up for God by Engelbert Humpalot	dclark 67.140.207.128	4-Jun-07/9:54 AM
anal hole? buttlover?
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	richa 85.210.15.203	4-Jun-07/9:15 AM
I parsed it to show you it didn't make sense. If the parsed version is what you meant to say what does 'the loss he came out for or the loss he was offered' refer to. And whilst you are at it you could tell me what the 'too much of a threat, too little to trust' line refers to.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 12.227.134.94	4-Jun-07/8:37 AM
Is "spice" a color? Could drop "the" from "the shiny." and "The cotton." "dreamy paradise" sounds cliche. the two above comments are good. Otherwise good.
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	Dovina 12.227.134.94	4-Jun-07/8:31 AM
Yes, that’s another way of saying the same thing. But don’t you think the precision needed to make sense of it has already been said in the poem?
Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	Dovina 12.227.134.94	4-Jun-07/8:30 AM
You realize, I hope, that this is a part of a series by a bicyclist on her way from Atlantic to Pacific. The “bulk,” I think, is necessary to put a simple dog attack into the larger picture.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	4-Jun-07/6:32 AM
Gorgeous flow in this poem makes you feel the waves. I'd lose the "S" in "Pearly whites" to get a 10. Otherwise it's a good poem that carries it's point and feeling across beautifully.
Re: a comment on Like a Whore {erotic} by sca	sca 124.191.66.156	4-Jun-07/5:23 AM
merci, it was actually the first non-romanticised piece of erotica I wrote, and to date I haven't been able to meet it.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/4:46 AM
Nice musicality to this. One alteration I'd make - shiny into shining; it has a little more of an up-and-down cadence to it, rather like the waves.
Re: Never Still by Skamper	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/4:34 AM
Don't get too worked up about rhyming perfectly. 'figure' is a more subtle rhyme for 'river' in this context: if it seems like you're putting words like quiver in for the sake of trying to rhyme it gets distracting.
Re: [Gasp]{last letter, first letter} by sca	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/4:31 AM
Ah, some most superb multisyllabic rhymes. You must like Byron.
Re: Barking Bargain by Dovina	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/4:25 AM
Nice idea, it seems a bit bulky - prosaic in areas. I rather like the final stanza though, it makes perfect sense to me.
Re: Love - In the Noughties by Skamper	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/3:07 AM
'bleeding heart' and 'tongue whipped' could be changed. Good last two lines.
Re: Alive at 95 by nypoet22	Ranger 81.103.124.179	4-Jun-07/3:05 AM
Stanza 2 wants to follow s1's rhyme scheme, otherwise it looks like you had a good idea to start with but couldn't follow it through.
Re: Like a Whore {erotic} by sca	dclark 67.140.207.128	4-Jun-07/2:14 AM
this is a true work of art, i love it, and it ends perfectly