Re: a comment on Barking Bargain by Dovina	Dovina 70.157.109.220	5-Jun-07/3:10 PM
I think you and ranger need to pedal these Kedntucky mountains to appreciate the "bulk" of dog attacks and my apparent overstatement of the problem. Your solution to the last stanza still has the dog running after a loss. Anyway, the point is overwrought by all involved. Yes, I will not be writing about hills when in Kansas, and I hope to keep this series going as the trip progresses. Thanks for your comment.
Re: The Equalizer by Skamper	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/3:04 PM
meh. sounds like something that i read about (Philosopher's quandry or something like that): safer to believe in god just in case there is a heaven.
Re: Jade Milieu by Enkidu	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/2:49 PM
really like this one. captures the sentiment very well
Re: a comment on Never Still by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.175	5-Jun-07/2:43 PM
thanks you've been a huge help..I've changed a couple of things on my own copy
Re: a comment on Never Still by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.175	5-Jun-07/2:37 PM
thanks your right its meant to be bear
Re: Barking Bargain by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/1:52 PM
I caught on immediately that you may be writing a series... are they all going to be "over-the-hill" plots, or will things change by the time the great prarie land opens before those handlebars? (not really asking for spoilers.) i agree with Ranger; this does seem a bit overstated and bulky for the subject. there are several parts that are awkward to read and follow. the closing stanza, while it is clear what the intent was, could be misread as richa pointed out. the dog did not come out for a loss, so perhaps it should read: "which loss was greater - that which he sought or that which he refused." i do look forward to more in this series and it seems you have a long road ahead if the pace that has been set stays even.
Re: Mouth full of Posion by VioletSuccubus	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/10:02 AM
almost a pimple. is there a blackhead category?
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:59 AM
moo-ving right along... i was thinking that the cyclist, distracted by an internal reverie about cows, was forgetting to keep an eye on the edge of the pavement and there is a big heavy truck that may be running them off the road. i almost felt a bit of an anticlimax at the end when the truck gets fogotten about and the rider simply keeps pedalling on. nice imagery though, agree with previous comments about the "forty shades of souther green". in fact i think the last four lines of stanza one are nice all on their own.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:33 AM
i like the naughty and funny meaning that can be read into this.
Re: a comment on "Twee" by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:32 AM
i think i can see a particularly tasty meaning if we consider that a bishop may become a saint. giving a pretty, dainty, and quaint thang the "bishop"... well, maybe she would be giving up her soul, if you believe the church.
Re: a comment on Bitter by Ranger	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:18 AM
smashing, a nice melancholy, bitter (to be sure, an apt title IMHO), ballad. I know it may not really be a ballad, but it hints at some love lost, even if the sentiment is no longer "full of love". i must agree with nypoet about the last line; "to die in her degree" does not have the weight and finality of "with no road back to me". after all, that is what he is bitter about: she left and did not come back, not so much that she died. :P
Re: Never Still by Skamper	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:09 AM
also, lines 15 & 16 are a bit out of synch somehow. if the meaning is that she defies the devil's will by haunting her lover to ease his pain, you may want to pull the thoughts together by losing the dash in line 15. a period at the end of line 14 would also help, as would beginning line 15 with "the". line 16 might complete the image a bit by replacing "to etch the light" with "etching the light". like the dark sentiment; "brood" is one of my favorite dark verbs. still trying to piece together how her lover was scorned exactly, but i can dream up any number of treacheries/betrayals...
Re: Never Still by Skamper	lmp 141.154.134.3	5-Jun-07/9:01 AM
line 8 - i belive you may mean to say "bear her soul away", but if you meant "bare her soul, away from land" you'd need to break the two thoughts apart (maybe with the comma). still cogitating on this one. so far i like it, but want to understand it a bit more.
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.226.23	4-Jun-07/8:11 PM
Thanks D. Yes, spice is a color. Its a shade of brown seen in an artists' catalog of colors. As for dropping 'the'..... not convincing. Changes the meter of the poem. Dreamy paradise.... its supposed to leave the reader wanting more, or wondering.
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.226.23	4-Jun-07/8:02 PM
Hey, hey, hey... good to see you around. Thanks for the critique. Pearly white is much better than pearly whites..... or I've been thinking of even rephrasing it Seagulls feathered white dive into the foamy surf to capture the shining silvers that dwell below the swirls. This might sound better. What do you think?
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.226.23	4-Jun-07/7:56 PM
Hmmm.. shining ! Interesting. Good to see you around. How are you and howz life? Still at Tesco? Right now we're doing a study on Tesco's billing system. :-) And how far have you completed your course in philosophy, or theology (am not sure which)....? :-)
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.226.23	4-Jun-07/7:49 PM
I guess it doesn't really work, but that doesn't justify not writing what comes to a writer's mind. But at the same time, I'll keep in mind that it doesn't cater to everyone's taste. Thanks all the same.
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 61.17.226.23	4-Jun-07/7:44 PM
I agree. Pearly whites isn't exactly the right word. Thanks for the feedback.
Re: a comment on Never Still by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.156	4-Jun-07/6:02 PM
that would be stumbling, and not finding regrowth appearing in a most unfortunate moment!
Re: a comment on Never Still by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.156	4-Jun-07/5:58 PM
I hate stubling awkwardly over other's rhymes...will see what I can work out...thanx