wilco
replying on For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco
20 Feb 2005, 8:51 AM
I can't ever tell if you're serious or not. If you are, thanks.
We all know this is not a Shakespearian style poem. You used a few old English words for some reason, which zodiac picked-up on to ridicule you. Itâs what he does â finds some insignificant aspect of your poem to bash, while ignoring the thrust of what youâre trying to communicate.
If you are showing us cupidâs sting, as the title suggests, then the arrow has missed its mark, at least to my understanding. Start with getting the spelling and grammar so they say what you mean â ânorthernâ âbreathe a breathâ âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ After fixing these, look at the things you are saying too many times. âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ could be simply âwherefore is the desireâ and âbreathe a breath, a breath of bloodâ could be âbreathe a breath of blood.â Then look at your images and metaphors. Does âmoss-ridden muleâ say what you want to say?
I think this has potential for a good poem.
Suggestion: The poet seems to feel something and finds a unique way of letting me feel something too.
This is good.
Suggestion: Because it's short, oddly indented, and has the smell of aphorism about it.
Thanks! Maybe you mean He doesn't believe in GodGod.
Hey, great sarcastic response!
Too bad I said "about all your poetry" and not just "all your poetry, including your most recent". Seriously, do you only read like every fifth word or something?
PS-Your ten times as mature as I am.
Of course I only mean, in your, nothingtoanyone's, experience. Please feel free to complete the following instead:
1) I, nothingtoanyone, think old Shakespeary kinds of poems are _______________.
2) I, nothingtoanyone, have read ___ Shakespeary poems.
HINT: The first blank should probably be an adjective or adjective phrase. The second should be a number.
Kind of blandish.
I agree with Dovina on this.
metaphors, similies, oxymorons, personification, ect. -they are your friends. ;)
Said too plainly. Try for imaginative ways to say it.
Poemranker has been down most of the afternoon and evening. That seems to happen quite often, and in your case explains the lack of initial commentary.
Wow, walking out in bare feet on frozen grass just to kiss her. That's great and nicely written. "convalescence" seems strange, try "red and green fuse to one."
Welcome aboard.
I really dont know what you mean theres more then one way to complete the sentences and all so very different.........
Oh so that is what it was about. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Well now that I know what it means and now that I read it again I think it's really cool. I rate a 8 now.
I was a freakin' tard and wrote a huge reply while not logged in. ...And it didn't register or something.
We've eliminated Anonymous comments? Crap. That bites.
So I'll say in short:
It's sort of random[ish] in the first stanza, but then i come to a point the rest of it. It's about how I am always openly opinionated with my friends, which turns into arguments and debates - which I love. And I encourage them to do so.. just..because.. It's fun for me. XD
Nothing really deep. At first it was, but then i was like... Eff the deepness, let me be real.
What are you trying to say? You most tell me. Email me and don't say any bad words in the email. It's my school email address and they don't let us say anything bad. That fucken sucks but i'm use to it.
Fuckin love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Peekster
As a substitute for sugar, I agree.
Yeah, my most recent's a good example - looking at those patched holes in the wall and wondering what pictures hung from those nails, wondering if his unseen life affects mine, if God's at work, or if fate's at work, which come to think of it implies God, doesn't it? Notions to play with with no worries about how addeled they are. Someday I'll become as mature as you and free from addled notions.
nihilist: someone who rejects all theories of morality or religious belief
Oh, but you are! Go ahead, code it, redefine it, you are, as you say, captivated with words, and they by the universe.