| Re: The First Date by John Rambo |
some deleted user 68.236.36.10 |
29-Oct-07/11:32 AM |
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Actually... I have SARS. This is not funny.... Shame on you John Rambo! :)
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| Re: The Grip by drnick |
Sasha 128.135.194.190 |
28-Oct-07/11:15 PM |
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| Re: Winter Moon by Musicman |
Sasha 128.135.194.190 |
28-Oct-07/10:44 PM |
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Starlit night: Cliché
Nightly gloom: Redundant cliché
Find a less cliché word than "Ghostly"
Other than that, not bad
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| Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0 |
x0lovelylarnx0 68.57.36.157 |
28-Oct-07/12:28 PM |
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And it's America not amerika get it straight!
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| Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0 |
x0lovelylarnx0 68.57.36.157 |
28-Oct-07/12:27 PM |
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No I'm not talking about vietnam! I wasn't even alive when vietnam occured! I'm not talking about any particular war! Do you even realize how hard it is for our troops when every one in America is complaining about the war! It's an honor to fight for ones country, and I am proud of them!
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| Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0 |
pete 62.56.72.232 |
28-Oct-07/4:03 AM |
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oh, you must mean vietnam... youre in cyberspace here, not amerika ... and a lot of people here have too painfully different a view ... this is military triumphalism masquerading as soulfulness ... shame on you and your nation
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| Re: Nomad's Oasis by Caducus |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:52 PM |
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Play with the line breaks, would be my suggestion.
From stanza two:
drank from sweat and tears devoured refusal
to stop searching for the promised land.
no vote. yet.
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| Re: Dark Matter by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:45 PM |
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Could you explain the term "movement" to me ? Using this piece as a for instance, if you like.
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| Re: Table for Two Please by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:41 PM |
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Sorry. Even broken up, rest of the best, bugs me.
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| Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:39 PM |
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Almost forgot, for some reason I want > winter < at the end of the last. You're the one with the music though.
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| Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:37 PM |
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Steep? That's an understatement. 6 years plugging at this and still not and inch of progress. Or so it feels. How does it feel after 30?
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| Re: Bullfrog Night by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:34 PM |
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Ha! I almost didn't like the word > chant. boo on me.
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| Re: _______ by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:22 PM |
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| Re: Four Skins by xyz |
Skamper 58.171.166.45 |
27-Oct-07/4:06 AM |
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last line - pretty good
title spelling reminds me of a band
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| Re: Dark Matter by Musicman |
Skamper 58.171.246.128 |
27-Oct-07/3:58 AM |
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I have a problem with the line breaks because I want this to fit a rhythm my tongue can get around without spitting all over my monitor. And with saying that I feel like I've justified the whole concept with which you write...or did I miss something?
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| Re: a comment on On Any Given Day... by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.152.65 |
27-Oct-07/3:48 AM |
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thanks :)
The dashes are very habit forming and I reach for the key without realising - *sigh*
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| Re: a bit of theory by pete |
Dovina 66.215.80.177 |
26-Oct-07/4:28 PM |
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It would be nicer if you give reasons to proclamations. I agree though.
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| Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper |
Dovina 66.215.80.177 |
26-Oct-07/4:25 PM |
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I love "she speaks cream linen from painted lips." Too many dashes throuout.
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| Re: a comment on _______ by Dovina |
Dovina 66.215.80.177 |
26-Oct-07/4:18 PM |
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It's because haiku is best untitled. Of course if I called it haiku, I'd only get the dunce comment "5-7-5."
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
Skamper 58.171.39.33 |
26-Oct-07/4:03 PM |
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If I had enough sense I'd be terrified by this
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