Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	4-Nov-07/5:20 AM
Yes, cleaner.
Re: Dark Matter by Musicman	Musicman 192.208.44.100	4-Nov-07/1:59 AM
OK, so let's try something a little different.
Re: a comment on Table for Two Please by Musicman	Musicman 192.208.44.100	4-Nov-07/1:56 AM
Yep, I can see it. But this was one of those exercies in a stream of consciousness that took me just a minute to write. Unlike most, I will lt this one stand on its own merits but I do see your point. Thank you again for your gift!
Re: Winter Moon by Musicman	Musicman 192.208.44.100	4-Nov-07/1:53 AM
I took the advice of my fellow poets and rewrote and submit for your comments. Thank you all.
Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman	Musicman 192.208.44.100	4-Nov-07/1:38 AM
Hmm, that is an interesting look at this. I did not see starlit night as necessarily cliche, but is overused in other forms of writing (short stories and novels. I will work on this and see what comes up. Thank you for your time and the gift of feedback Sasha!
Re: a bit of theory by pete	Skamper 58.171.35.168	3-Nov-07/10:28 PM
I like it - although I'm not sure if I should.
Re: Some poems by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.33.243	3-Nov-07/10:24 PM
perfect last line - love it when reading one that hits ya just like that.
Re: a comment on Voice of the World by Dovina	Skamper 58.171.81.207	3-Nov-07/10:18 PM
I guess I was thinking along the lines of the third world teaching the first world something - rather than the other way around. I like the concept of being humbled rather than worshipped... You will get it together - I can feel it from here :)
Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.44.219	3-Nov-07/10:13 PM
half a slab and a six-pack...not very inventive, but hey, we are kinda lazy... p.s He is a She
Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	3-Nov-07/8:07 AM
A "slab" of beer ? That IS cool. What's a twelver called? A sixer?
Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	Dovina 66.215.80.177	2-Nov-07/3:36 PM
cool
Re: a comment on Voice of the World by Dovina	Dovina 66.215.80.177	2-Nov-07/3:34 PM
not an unexpected source, really, just a bunch of people like us, who have got the shaft for a long time and just might have something to teach. Yep, I did fade away in the second verse; just can't quite get the questions together.
Re: a comment on Voice of the World by Dovina	Dovina 66.215.80.177	2-Nov-07/3:31 PM
You got that right. I never was any good at political poems. It just seems like we ought to listen more and shoot less.
Re: Voice of the World by Dovina	Skamper 58.171.158.246	2-Nov-07/3:01 PM
I feel you working up to something in the first verse and then kinda fade away in the second, it needs some strength to show conviction. I like the idea of learning from an unexpected source.
Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.143.137	2-Nov-07/2:48 PM
halfway between Roma and Mitchell in the south of Queensland, Australia. Dulacca - population 60, pub 1, free camping out the back of the pub (the reason we stayed there), free beer, a trap for unsuspecting tourists, purchase of a slab (24 cans) and you get 6 free...none of us drink beer so we enjoyed the free camping, with no strings and played pool all night. :)
Re: Voice of the World by Dovina	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	2-Nov-07/6:01 AM
My gut says, this is a jump off point for what you really want to say. Sit on it.
Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	2-Nov-07/5:59 AM
I'm guessing it's Austrailia. (sp?) He mentions a road train. Aussies run like 6 or more 53 footers with one tractor, Hence, r/t. I too, really like this. The kelly pool. Ha! Almost missed it.
Re: homer simpson by malpaso	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	2-Nov-07/5:54 AM
I see a lyric. The first two lines being the refrain. Add to it. Really.
Re: homer simpson by malpaso	Dovina 75.82.86.162	1-Nov-07/8:46 AM
I like embiggens. At least capitalize her name. Line 4 adds ambiguity - good. I don't know homer, would like to.
Re: Dulacca - for a day by Skamper	Dovina 75.82.86.162	1-Nov-07/8:39 AM
A nice nostalgia. Where is this joint?