| Re: a comment on Some poems by INTRANSIT |
Skamper 58.171.165.232 |
6-Nov-07/7:16 PM |
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Yep, looks great, sounds great...thanks for listening. :)
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| Re: Behind closed offices by lukehanney |
Skamper 58.171.135.170 |
6-Nov-07/7:11 PM |
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The rhymes a bit off...needs sorting, Ideas very easy to identify with though. I like the lightheartedness of it.
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| Re: Behind closed offices by lukehanney |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
6-Nov-07/6:47 PM |
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perhaps I should k.i.s.s. my pomes too.
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| Re: Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
6-Nov-07/6:45 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Flat by Skamper |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
6-Nov-07/5:36 AM |
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"A cardboard cutout of myself" Might make a better title.
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| Re: a comment on Some poems by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
5-Nov-07/5:26 AM |
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Gonna try those changes. Let's see.
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| Re: Flat by Skamper |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/5:42 PM |
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| Re: Some poems by INTRANSIT |
Dovina 12.22.108.229 |
4-Nov-07/5:42 PM |
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Yeah, got a few stuck the tubes. Prefer a more descriptive title; I mean describing the good ones in some cute way. Like it a lot.
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| Re: a comment on Flat by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.63.87 |
4-Nov-07/4:13 PM |
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I never thought of the references to burning/fire...hmmm, wonder what I meant with that...
The cardboard describes how I felt at the time, a cut-out of myself, there but not taking part.
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| Re: a comment on Some poems by INTRANSIT |
Skamper 58.171.61.157 |
4-Nov-07/4:03 PM |
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I found reading without "then" at the beginning of the 10th line rolls easier. I would also give "very few" it's own line. Rhythm seems fine to me although my own brain wants to add 'on' between 'right' and 'out', end the line there and put 'and through' on it's own line, but I'm sure I'll get over that. Rhythm is such a personal thing, am curious now to see what others think...
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| Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.88.11 |
4-Nov-07/3:47 PM |
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NP..it's happened before and I'm sure it'll happen again. :)
Do I write like a male?
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| Re: A No One With A Face by calmyourself |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/3:35 PM |
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OH EM GEE. You should submit this to Poetry.com. You would TOTALLY get this in a book!!!
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| Re: One Past Short Sleep. by Melanie Jade |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/3:26 PM |
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Spare yourself the trouble. btw, are you related to God? Striking resemblance
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| Re: One Past Short Sleep. by Melanie Jade |
calmyourself 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/3:24 PM |
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wtf is this? I hope all your loved ones get into crashes.
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| Re: a bit of theory by pete |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/2:58 PM |
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The closing metaphor is very well developed. I love this concept. Where I hold no clout in the poetic society, this poem would mean so much more as a persuasive piece instead of an informative. But excellent.
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| Re: Uttered Things by Sasha |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/2:49 PM |
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I'm reluctant to praise this poem with words. But it is beautiful.
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| Re: Who's on First? by Melanie Jade |
Melanie Jade 216.61.132.105 |
4-Nov-07/2:42 PM |
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Originally, I considered the title "Who's UP first". Strike out?
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| Re: Flat by Skamper |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
4-Nov-07/5:38 AM |
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Part of me likes the incongruity. The other part doesn't, 'natch. Hmmm. I know cardboard burns hella fast, and burning gasoline and fire in the second--
The more I look at it the more I like it as is. Is the cardboard only there to describe you ?
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| Re: a comment on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
4-Nov-07/5:27 AM |
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Oh! My sincerest apologies.
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| Re: a comment on Some poems by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
4-Nov-07/5:23 AM |
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Did you notice any hiccups in the rhythm ? That's what I'm most worried about at this point. Thanks.
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