edpeterson
on sweet kissing me there by misslexy
11 Jun 2004, 5:59 AM
overdone. cut half of it.
umm..think same as god lady. but i also think the poems should end on the word shit. I like the poem though...it is defiant and kinda funny.
I prefer Quize to trate, because of the alliteration and because it implies desire. i like that line as a "trying" line...makes the last line like a nice surprise or a bonus boner.
la ultima vez
que quize sexo, (or que quize hacer amor.)
me la respondio, (or like you have it)
I give it a -9- as a new age ballad. Less if forced to rank it as a love poem. I can hear Josh Groban singing these lines in duet with Celene Dion (Yanni on the piano & Kitaro on percussion).
DE tener...
Why does the microphone spurt, drip and splatter? A SHORT circuit, perhaps?
'When one knows the truth it's easy to lie' Nice. You should work on this, it could be great.
'...seems to me.' is simply awful.
'I'M standing on the shoreline...' I don't mean to dismiss her I think is very insightful, could be read many ways.
How sad. New Age Jesus says, 'Don't spill your seed on the internet, man'
Get some therapy. Oh, and a poetry workshop would help you loads.
i think my whole life is one big villanelle
funky lips OWWW!!!!
i love the title and everything about this cuz its just honest and to the point yet its long and uhh i dunno i just like it for some reason
i almost lit my house on fire trying to give the burn affect to this letter i wrote...anyway it was for an english project, meant to be part of this scrapbook..my dad was so pissed and now he doesnt let me play with fire...
good news is a got a 100% on the project YEHAWWW
i love painting nuns
there used to be apricot trees and a kickass orchard by my house and i'd go and pick them and cherry plums every summer...now its all gone..all thats left is an ugly dried up field.
makeout sessions gone too far. HAHAHAHA luv it.
and i must face the mirror
deep but standart
i like the twist at the end, but the handling throughout feels a little clumsy and unfinished.
farther should be further. get to that punch line faster.