Bachus
on some deleted poem
13 Jun 2004, 6:08 PM
Frisky
It might tickle you to know that in Arabic Shin Shuu means "What path?"
- as famously represented in Surat 68 of the Quran: "The Day comes when the Shin shall be laid bare and the hypocrites shall be called to prostrate, but they shall not be able to do so; Their eyes will be cast down and ignominy will cover them."
you get lots of comments
but not many about your poem
it more like a chatroom!
Instead of bothering with such "layered", "multi-faceted" and "biting" "observations" on poemranker commenters, you'd do better to simply say we're all "hopeless gay introverts and onanists."
Just an idea!
Hell's drooping anus enguffed this poem hole.
Superb! Clearly a very succesful revision.
Buggering around with the lines does not make this a poem. In fact this is an appalling confessional which serves as a horrible insight into the scattered jumble of my little ponies that constitutes your imagination.
-3-
Poo in a pinstripe.
Emile Heskey?
would you please check your poor spelling before you rant about my poetry? *enable an inner calmness
Reads fairly well - not entirely sure what it's about though. Feels like a venting somehow.
I like this idea of pouncing on something then the pouncer suffocating.
I have an entire trunk full of Kodak 'frozen inactions' and their negatives of family & friends I'd rather not remember anyway. However, I do think you might want to do a bit of re-writing on the sixth and the last line.
ATT GSM, Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Great visual. I really admire your writing style.
You should change "There must be no other place" to "I have known no other place," or something such, as it's doubtful you've visited every place on earth. As it happens, the most peaceful place on earth is my own home town in North Carolina's Great Smoky Mountains. Observe:
http://tinyurl.com/2sxch
http://tinyurl.com/2knlp
This is so much better..
It's my way of saying yes there are rules so go ahead and break them because no one's stopping you...