This poem is irreproachable in regards to it's softness and somewhat unhindered intellection of innocence. I like the feeling behind your words,finespun,yet basic and graceful. Polish it up just a half a hair and it would be a 10 and a half. Either or well done.

I feel afraid when I think of how in the last week poemranker has lost the last of its non-retarded qualities, becoming merely a retard-powered beard of a crumb-repository for all of the most disastrously illiterate and overwrought nonsense ever spoken - including, I'm afraid, my own. ******* NB-This message is in code. To discover its true meaning, replace every instance of the word 'afraid' with 'bored and more than a little ashamed'. Thanks.

The sentence construction [As I do something in the present tense, something happens in present tense] should be bound and gagged in a basement somewhere and beaten into a coma by a band of masked salami-wielding EastEnder hoodlums.

Tuffy (Villanelle) by horus8 "Pardon me sir, do you have a tuffy?" I asked the man in the grey trencoat, He said, "Why, yes! Wanna see it, lovey?"

While I'm sure this is a poem about yourself and all the abuse you have suffered, you're not doing a very good job of expressing it. For one, it's a very tired theme, and there's nothing new in your treatment. For two, it's pure showing-not-telling, and while there are exceptions to that rule as any other, this is not one of them. For three, there's very little flow to the piece.

oh give it a rest will you god's wiff (poo) l;ots of wibbling lots of honking little else very very boring did anyone actually get to the end of thiss...this, err, thing?

What does nuclear plant have to do with anything besides the fact that it rhymes with can't?

hi hbh, if that's your real name. This does express the description of fear - but I'm always more comfortable with a poem that expresses fear itself. How do you feel when you feel afraid? Describe some of that abuse - use some poetic devices, paint a picture. Make me feel it without telling me what to feel? Can you do that?

Except for a few spelling errors, this is cute.

you have done big cockup mr Blobby the real one would not say fishy he can only say blobby you must go and read my limericks this should maken you feel mutch more Blobby.

Yar you are wrighting far to much you having der verbel diara if you do not stop your head will birst and its big enough now so sitig down and taking tow deeo breths. There is no charge?

good poem, -9-

great poem, keep up the good work

I'm very tired after reading this. Love "singular audience of its intoxicant play." "lungs" might better be "thoughts" comma after "earth" What is arenation?

If you really mean this, then you'd better take a hard look at this relationship. Is he wise because of words of affirmation? One line does seem true: "fantasies saturating my head." A 6 for heartfelt infatuation.

What a narrow ledge we walk. A life on one side, his attention on the other, wanting both. If I were doing what you're doing, and I have, I'd be better off if someone said, "Get off your butt."

"Semptember smog" is a very nice combo. the ending is good, but I'm left wondering, despite the pleasant impression, what this is about.

Behold, the long-distance bus ride. I tried one of them once. Vancouver to San Francisco. Never again.

I get the impression that this could be a far better piece without the constraints of the rhyme pattern. As it is, it feels a little disjointed and forced in parts, if only to fit the structure you've imposed on it.

This has a great premise, and I like a fair amount of the execution. Plus I have to give bonus points to anything that has the word 'moments' for some reason, and this is a particular theme that I like to run with myself (because I like it; and as such, and yours captures that theme well, extra bonus points). All that said, there are some flow issues for me and bits of awkwardness-- 'conversations' seems out of place: time, time, something less abstract; For me it either needs more things less abstract in that area, or less. I'd just toss in 'moments' there a second time, but that's because I like that word so much. 'Try to catch' seems like it's beginning a sentence, the tense has changed, but there's a comma leading up to it. I dislike commas-on-the-end poetry, and it's elements like this that showcase it for me. I'd toss a monosyllabic before postcards for flow reasons... and a comma after "You're falling too" (before the too as well, if you're that sort of person). s2 seems more solid than the first overall, and especially in flow/rhythm. A little bit of tweaking s1 would really make this work for me. Mind you, it's a well-worn topic, and the poem doesn't go into any sort of novel depth, but the metaphor is pretty and the treatment is fun. I like fun, especially when it's intelligent.