I'm not fond of "forms" but it hangs -7- well enough.

I have no problem with forms and I like this very much. Thanks for the intro.

Love it. How does "They paid their respects" instead of "did it" sound to you? Grandpaw was such a 'perv' (in a good way).

Kyrielle sonnet.. hrmm. Nice variant on the Kyrielle. Smashin. Blessed with eight.

This is: A: A practice in innovation? B: A practice at sonnets. (Doubtfully needed) C: A practice in detais. My unsuredness begets you a rank score.

The turtle wins!-9-

are you a cigarette? ah, well, you almost tricked me.

Don't jump! Here's a -7-. Write on, right on.

sad and sung, but unique just the same. (no pun intended)

the punctuation of this needs a LOT of work, since the sentences, though poetic, are barely represented. try a comma or two, and check your ending punctuation, there are some places where you need question marks, but lack them. the poem isn't strong enough to drown out the grammatical errors, so my voting would be pointless. this needs honing. badly.

thanks dan- its nice to know someone gets it

C'mon people..vote and leave comments..

If this means what I think it does, sad, very sad. Good poem though

I like the slow sad understated tone, and there are some really good turns of phrase contained. At the park where we Use to listen to Concert bands 'til dark, now Nothing sounds in tune this, in particular, feels just right, except, I think used instead of use. or perhaps just: at the park where we once listened.... it is difficult to pull of the old, "you're gone, I'm sad and alone" theme in a poem, but I think you have done it pretty well.

did you spread it on toast? or did he shoot it in too deep?

Rhymes are off, iambic pentameter is not there, and the sire.fire rhyme is forced, as are they all. This is actually a pretty good specimen of the crap that happens when young'uns like you think they can be profound. -blessed with a 2- Really, I'm being hard on you because I am expressing an honest opinion, not because I'm retaliating.

This shows some grasp of imagery. The rhymes are once again forced though. When you have a word accented on the penultimate syllable ending a line, you should have 11 syllables in the line total.

I would have preferred it if the girl's grandfather rose up out of the grave and raped her, filling her with his zombied seed. That would also leave room for a sequel. Quite good anyway.

A kyrielle sonnet is 14 lines of iambic quatrameter broken into 3 quatrains and a final couplet, the end of each containing a repeating phrase. This is a typical rhyme scheme: aabB ccbB ddbB aB

This dog is rooting. I smell a deeply buried truffle. Do not become a fungus.