I liked the last 1.5 lines the best. The toenail of God doesn't seem to harmonise, and I fail to understand why most of the line breaks are where they are. But it was an interesting read.

Some interesting imagery

Interesting but there are some rather mediocre lines here = 7,8,14 the stresses are out of sync in line 10 and I fail to understand why smooth is spelled smoothe

Pretty shallow really

Thislooks like you just wrote it down and then didn't bother to look at it. You need to work on if you want it to be anying worth reading.

A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.

You have written me a poem. How very touching. Of course you will take my saying so as facetious. But no. And to show my appreciation, I will comment at length, without slander or name calling, and with an only purpose of constructive feedback. It could not have been written during the accident, but after it, making the title not only too long, but confusing. Comma before “given” in versa 2. “always more-or-less the same” seems neither accurate, nor logically sound or even a line that says anything. Besides, the thought is expressed above. “’God-fearing’ once in his life, uncynically.” Doesn’t say much. Everyone does it once. Try “often.” The man who was thrown was on the bus, and the narrator was on the bus, else how could the narrator develop so detailed an opinion of him or know he had been in the lavatory. Yet the man flew over the dash (Do busses have dashes?) and through the windshield of the bus, while all of the other passengers were only pressed forward against seatbacks. The narrator had to have been sitting near the front of the bus to see the man’s flight after he penetrated the windshield, and remained in his seat during the flight, or at least not far from it, to notice the man’s expression. The thrown man probably landed on the car involved in the head-on collision (I assume it was head-on), yet no mention of it. When a bus hits a car head-on, and the driver of the car is not hurt badly, then the collision happened at low speed, which would cause little impact to the much-heavier bus. Okay, if you say so, but it seems the physics should be presented more believably if you want us to consider the philosophy. Saying, “the physics of the thing are suspect.” Isn’t enough. “up-falling rain of pebbled glass” Since you’ve opened this ethereal aspect, this line could be related to the thrown man’s character as you developed it above, bring cause to the result, bringing relevance to the collision. Just an idea.

I GOT THE POWER!!!!!!

After watching a baseball game or two, I thought that at the beginning of the action the empire shouted, "Play Balls!" So the players aren't supposed to...uh...you know? On a completely different subject I discovered a cool 'x' on the lower right-hand corner of the comment box. You can delete comments made by annoying asstrological signers by left-clicking the 'x.' It is part of the "freedom of speech" philosophy on poemranker. You have the right to say anything you want to me in comments. I have the right to delete comments. "America, what a country!" J. Smirnoff

get out of my head!

bruises on the heart fade much more slowly than those of the body. sometimes there never really gone and the slightest touch or a harsh thought can bring your bruises to the surface again

remember, life is just a circle, and your family dances in it. -9- for once again being in my head....

we really do have a lot in common, i always get hung on shit too. just feels wrong to forget it... -10- i think this is your best one, well mabye the one about truth is better, but there close anyway

This is not a Haiku A haiku has 5,7,5 and is about nature Say the count was right then it would be a Senriu, those are about humans.

You have to many mistakes in here. The rhyme is off. Alot of your sentances don't make sence. Example: that has caught your own eye and makes you think it's better than it was. that has cought your eye etc etc...Reread this poem and fix the mistakes.

Your poems are like petrified turds huddling in a cave.

I want to rape your face with a wiffle ball bat, and a can of warm crisco. Oh wait somebody has already raped you from poemranker. Tell us who the poemranker rapist is Chrystal... I bet it's nateislate, or some other asshat like that.

Those who can do, those who can't claim it isn't worth the effort. Long live the debate.

I hope reality is all you hope it will be, I.

Haven't been camping for 40 years but this resonates. It is one of 'those' moments that can happen anywhere when you are with 'that' person. Here in LA it could happen at the Mark Taper, in S.F at 'the baths' or in Texas at a barbeque. It needs a bit of tightening to be a -10-.