Bobjim
on A Glass of Milk Inagodadavida by EAger to Offend
12 Dec 2004, 1:09 PM
odd
The one you just posted, then deleted, is better.
Great rhythm, a vivid picture. The only problem I see is that eyes are convex and do not magnify, but rather diminish the apparent size of objects reflected from them.
nobody ever votes
At least they're talking to you. Either I've gone so horribly off track that no lifeline can reach, or I'm so accurate now no one can complain. I'm leaning on the former. Can I borrow some dope?
the catalogue serves the perspective to perfection
Ditto
Preaching to the choir-Amen.
(submitted for application to The Rutherford Club)
Why must you continually mock the fine standards the âbrothers in wordâ have set forth for us as good and proper format for our submittals? Such jabs as Hollywood shoeshine Boy, Idiot Soup, and now this, go counter to the kindhearted, if sometimes lewd, guidance we have been receiving, donât you think? Actually, youâve added some pleasing nuances in this revision, if only they were in a more readable format.
Of course you already know this is riddled with cliches and redundancies, so I won't mention them, but why can't you see the point of her coyness? If she loves you and says it outright, you'll be repulsed. Hints are all she can give.
A improvement over "Going Camping," quite good, but I wish you'd remove that dripping shower.
The grey prince of guffs would be apposite.
You appalling flange.
The second verse is a bit preachy and some of the rhymes are forced, and it's wordy, but the idea is good and your feelings are good, and it's a good thing to say in some succinct way.
Your title is a confusingly worded sign in West Virginia. Once past it, the grass is green.
...uhhh, try "the jetsom of my desire."
Got to get that cup just right dont want nothing happening to the family jewels you understand.
Richard the hedgehog
What Rot.