auscot
on Math Poem 2 by Dovina
28 Dec 2004, 8:52 PM
This poem is disingenuous, is it some sort of avant garde
form of writing to scare off readers and give poetry a bad name? Please, let's make poetry readable and enjoyable.
Do you think the orgasnic matter in your head is you, or are you a being separate from that matter? Something more lasting?
What does the last part of the poem, good as it is, have to do with the first verse?
jesus H. Christ.
Not bad!!
"Your going to jump my men"
Ain't it supposed to be YOU ARE??
Very beautiful!!!!
"what's wrong with me that there's air all around me and i still can't
breathE"
*There is supposed to be an E after breath.*
A little too childish! You could submit it under PIMPLE.
got an issue, here's a tissue.. 3
the last stanza really sucked.. big time.. 0
honest, i'll give you that.. and not at all that badly written 'cept it really is slow to warm up to what you wrote.. like a diesel engine.. 8
haha.. good.. 10
enjoyed it.. 10
I really like the idea of what's being communicated in this poem. Though I think the title has gone over my head, and the word "proprietorship" mocks the rest of the words with its bulbous enunciation. All the other ones rolls so beautifully off my tongue but that one word kind of just... died. But still I enjoyed coming across this poemette, it whipped up a nice little smile across my face.
â¢Â°â¢Gregory Jamesâ¢Â°â¢
Much better. The start is a bit weak, I would say if you want to write a maths poem use mathematical terms to give the poem better precision. 'Bumping about in randomness' and 'loosely connected', are too vague. They turn the reader off immediately. Other than that there is a more obvious natural progression in this poem than the previous one.
What the hell are you talking about? This is just shit. Mathematically, this poeme is uninteresting. Unless you're fascinated by the fact that not all operators are identical. Poetically, all you've done is sprawl out this observation in a stupid, non-rhyming, tedious blanket of guff.
Too vague
A rant, but only a rant. Carry on if it helps.
Lol, New York is a mighty place.
You should fit in just fine.