GREAT JOB!really like what you had to say, great flow,great message, great delivery.

Nice form, cute, nice concept, a bit of sarcasm was a nice touch...definitely a lesson stated.

A draft at the mo, any ideas? Kind of inspired by gods wifes poem bread and oranges plus a brutal scene from the tudors.

you write with the same flaws i did years ago and need a well intentioned critique. First off your opening is attention grabbing and you have a skill for meter and not verbose. It also looks like you keep focus throughout the poem yet the subject is so overdone and done better that you're setting yourself up for a fall. Try and be cryptic, creative, show dont tell. Someone on here once tore me to shreds and rightfully so, I got all defensive until i realized i was defending a poor standard of work. Dont get me wrong the critic was a bit of a knob (poetandknowit) but they knew good from bad and if you learn where your work is weak you could be credible. Go to the bottom of my profile, read an old poem and compare it to one now. 3-4 years makes a big difference IF you take suggestions on board. This site was my first and writers then like tintagiles, intransit, gods wife horus and christof are a good starting school for style, substance and a love for this old dog poetry.

wonderful poem, very deep, very wounded and dark, displayed the resolution of giving up giving in, the final breath. I t flowed very well however the third stanza iwould swith the third and last line to keep with your rhyme scheme. - lovely work

I'm just curious, but when you say your flying to the sky do you mean Heaven, cause last time I checked people who commit suicide don't go to heaven??? Otherwise the poem is decent, but I think the last 2 lines need to be changed.

Then the air brakes Staining to hold the load As the curve looms Incidius asphalt Dying to kill Hot brakes Nothing but a jake Standing between me and death Untill salvation arises A sign Runaway ramp ahead Fuck it The altenative is death

As many will guess, this is my take on the demise of Sylvia Plath

alot of feeling and emotion is expressed, quite a bit of detail in the lines, but I can't determine a particular format, seems to tell story-ish, than poetic, I think the lines and metre need to be tighter so some words or lines may need to go, its interesting, but reads to me like a poem thats in need of structure or a summary of a story incomplete.

Love this poem, it is so full of rich lines, and depth, I an pull out so much feeling and depth, a paradoxil tone to it, it is intriguing, and forms so many pictures and scenes for me - Great Job!

lovely, heart felt and sentimental poem. nice rhyme scheme.

wonderful poem, magnificent ways you paint the emotions and feelings, you set up a scene , frame by frame for the reader, and cleverly and creatively tell us your heart.

bbbbblllllllliiiiiiibbbbbb

CODE? Yes, yes it is so clear now. Watch Deal or no Deal!

I'M GLAD!

This is SHIT!

never do a sequel man.

I like what you've done here Dovina. The only thing that seems off is the word "gobs." Everything else works fine.

I have always been impressed by your metaphors and there are some good ones in this piece.

very lovely poem, the feelings were expressed adequately, nice flow and rhyme.